FOLKS IT’S AN EXCITING NIGHT. YOU KNOW THE MIDTERMS ARE LESS
THAN TWO MONTHS AWAY, AND ONE OF THE MOST CLOSELY WATCHED RACES
IS DOWN IN TEXAS AND FEATURES MY GUEST TONIGHT DEMOCRATIC SENATE
CANDIDATE, AND MAN WHO’S EITHER 20 OR 40, BETO O’ROURKE. HE’S RUNNING–
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE’VE GOT SOME BETO-HEADS
TONIGHT. BETO IS RUNNING IN TEXAS AGAINST
INCUMBENT SENATOR AND MAN WHOSE CAMPAIGN STAFF IS PROBABLY
WATCHING THIS SHOW RIGHT NOW, TED CRUZ. AND IT’S CLOSE, WHICH IS SCARING
REPUBLICANS. SO EARLIER THIS SUMMER, IN ORDER
TO SAVE THE CRUZ CAMPAIGN, TEXAS LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR DAN PATRICK
SHOWED UP IN WASHINGTON TO DELIVER AN URGENT PLEA TO WHITE
HOUSE OFFICIALS: SEND PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP. YOU KNOW IT’S BAD WHEN YOU NEED
BACKUP FROM A MAN WITH A 36% APPROVAL RATING. THEIR BACKUP PLAN IS A CELEBRITY
ENDORSEMENT FROM THE HERPES VIRUS. ( LAUGHTER )
HERE’S HOW– HERE’S HOW SCARED TED CRUZ IS OF BETO O’ROURKE:
HE BOUGHT ADS ON MY SHOW TONIGHT TO COUNTER HIS INTERVIEW. I ASSUME– I ASSUME IT’S FOR HIS
CAMPAIGN AND NOT FOR HIS PATENTED LINE OF REPTILE
MOISTURIZERS, CRUZ’S OOZES. ( LAUGHTER )
“NO MORE DRY LEG, JOHNNY IGUANA!”
>>Jon: WOW!>>Stephen: AND HE DOES SEEM–
CRUZ DOES SEEM MOIST ALL TIME. AND THE TEXAS G.O.P. HAS BEEN
LAUNCHING PERSONAL ATTACKS ON O’ROURKE, LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO,
WHEN THEY TWEETED, “MAYBE BETO CAN’T DEBATE TED CRUZ BECAUSE HE
ALREADY HAD PLANS,” ALONGSIDE THIS PHOTO OF BETO FROM HIS PUNK
ROCK DAYS. YES, HIS PLANS WERE BEING
SMOKING HOT IN A NAUGHTY BUT APPROACHABLE SORT OF WAY, LIKE
YOUR BEST FRIEND’S OLDER BROTHER WHO SMELLS LIKE WEED AND LISTENS
TO RADIOHEAD. READ US YOUR POEMS, BETO! ( LAUGHTER )
PEOPLE ONLINE SEEMED TO LIKE THE FACT THAT BETO WAS IN A COOL
PUNK BAND AND POINTED OUT THAT TED CRUZ PLAYED ADAM IN A MIME
PERFORMANCE OF THE CHRISTIAN CREATION STORY WHEN HE WAS
IN HIGH SCHOOL. ( LAUGHTER )
AND THEY INCLUDED THIS PICTURE. ( LAUGHTER )
HOW DO YOU DO A MIME PERFORMANCE OF THE CREATION STORY? “IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATED
THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH, AND GOD SAID… NOTHING, FOR HE WAS
TRAPPED IN AN INVISIBLE BOX.” ( LAUGHTER )
THE G.O.P. TRIED AGAIN BY TWEETING OUT THIS MUG SHOT OF
HIS DRUNK DRIVING ARREST 20 YEARS AGO. NOW, THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR DRUNK
DRIVING, AND BETO HAS APOLOGIZED. BUT POSTING THIS MUG SHOT
BACKFIRED ON THE G.O.P., AS SOME PEOPLE RESPONDED WITH
TWEETS LIKE “WHY’D THEY TWEET THIS PHOTO OF BETO LOOKING HOT
AS (BLEEP),” AND “BETO SLIDE INTO MY D.M.’S THO,” AND “I JUST
ACCIDENTALLY REFERRED TO BETO O’ROURKE AS ‘DADDY BETO’ IN
FRONT OF MY ACTUAL FATHER, AND HE IS VERY CONFUSED AND
CONCERNED.” ( LAUGHTER )
ALL OF THIS EXPLAINS BETO’S NEW CAMPAIGN SLOGAN, “BETO FOR
SENATE: GET THIRSTY FOR THIS HOT ZADDY TO BEAT IT UP.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEN– NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS. I HAVE NO– NO IDEA WHAT THAT
MEANS.>>Jon: YOU DON’T KNOW?>>Stephen: NO IDEA. THEN, TED CRUZ LAUNCHED A NEW
LINE OF ATTACK AGAINST BETO WITH THIS AD:
>>BETO O’ROURKE WANTS TO BE A SENATOR
>>(BLEEP) THAT!>>SO, HE’S SHOWING UP ACROSS
TEXAS, SHARING HIS WIT.>>HOW (BLEEP) UP IS THAT?>>HIS WISDOM.>>WHAT THE (BLEEP) ARE THESE
GUYS DOING?>>AND HIS CHARACTER.>>I REALLY (BLEEP) UP.>>BETO O’ROURKE: HE’S SHOWING
THE (BLEEP) UP.>>Stephen: YEAH, OKAY,
REMEMBER THAT. BETO IS A DIRTY-MINDED POTTY
MOUTH. YOU MUST PROTECT THE VALUES OF
TEXAS, AND VOTE FOR THE MAN WHO LIKES THREESOME PORN ON TWITTER. I’LL BE TALKING ABOUT ALL OF
THIS LATER WITH BAD BOY BETO O’ROURKE HIMSELF. AS LONG AS HE SHOWS THE (BLEEP)
UP.

Will Beto O’Rourke Skate His Way To The Senate?
Tagged on:                                                                                                             

100 thoughts on “Will Beto O’Rourke Skate His Way To The Senate?

  • October 27, 2018 at 2:32 am
    Permalink

    Beto is feces

    Reply
  • October 27, 2018 at 6:33 pm
    Permalink

    Beto, lier, his nose is getting longer everyday.

    Reply
  • October 27, 2018 at 6:44 pm
    Permalink

    Any monkey can run for senator, Beto is that monkey. So as this comedian, monkey.

    Reply
  • October 27, 2018 at 8:21 pm
    Permalink

    If beto wins here. He can win Elections for President someday

    Reply
  • October 29, 2018 at 5:33 am
    Permalink

    Cruz is gonna crush Beto, and anyone with any common sense knows it. The rest are just dreamers.

    Reply
  • October 29, 2018 at 3:22 pm
    Permalink

    We should reward drunk drivers who attempt to flee from the scene of a crime with a senate seat.

    Reply
  • October 29, 2018 at 6:38 pm
    Permalink

    His first name isn’t even Beto he’s a fraud

    Reply
  • October 29, 2018 at 10:02 pm
    Permalink

    Democrats, volunteer to drive folks who need a ride to vote early. Here in Texas, there are thousands. Your candidate's local HQ can supply you with a list. GO BLUE! BETO FOR TEXAS!

    Reply
  • October 30, 2018 at 8:30 pm
    Permalink

    Beto looks like he’s sleeping all the time.

    Reply
  • October 31, 2018 at 12:36 am
    Permalink

    cuck

    Reply
  • October 31, 2018 at 12:39 am
    Permalink

    Democrats literally cheering and making excuses for a guy who gets charged with DUI hit and run.

    Don't you just love how the Dems pretend they're so morally superior and would absolutely destroy a Rep. with this history; but when it's a Dem, it's "hip and cool".

    Reply
  • October 31, 2018 at 1:34 am
    Permalink

    Beto: hello fellow kids

    Reply
  • October 31, 2018 at 11:12 am
    Permalink

    TEXAS is the greatest state in the umion!!!!
    Because beto's don't play here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I already have voted for Cruz you can have beto

    Reply
  • October 31, 2018 at 4:55 pm
    Permalink

    3:01 was that a seagull in the audience?

    Reply
  • October 31, 2018 at 6:17 pm
    Permalink

    Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!Cruz will LOSE!

    Reply
  • October 31, 2018 at 11:16 pm
    Permalink

    Think about the crying we'd be hearing from the hypocritical Democratic Leftist Liberal Socialist Party and their weapon, the leftist MSM, if a Republican was running, with Beto's criminal background!!!!!!

    Reply
  • November 2, 2018 at 2:10 am
    Permalink

    That dude can’t skate.
    Look at the kook stance.
    He probably pushes mongo.

    Reply
  • November 2, 2018 at 6:44 am
    Permalink

    How come a Canadian blow in is a senator for Texas.

    Reply
  • November 2, 2018 at 10:20 pm
    Permalink

    Beta boy is a hero to the left, primarily because he had a dui and wants unlimited third-world immigration. He's every soy boy's dream.

    Reply
  • November 3, 2018 at 5:51 pm
    Permalink

    Please get out and vote!

    Reply
  • November 4, 2018 at 12:09 am
    Permalink

    #projectveritas

    Reply
  • November 5, 2018 at 4:19 pm
    Permalink

    Soy boy colbert

    Reply
  • November 5, 2018 at 8:00 pm
    Permalink

    Fuck Beto.

    Reply
  • November 6, 2018 at 2:21 am
    Permalink

    I’m positive that he will 😊

    Reply
  • November 6, 2018 at 4:33 pm
    Permalink

    Hey did you guys know trump implemented a new policy where rich fat cats that buy airplanes no longer have to pay taxes on the purchase??? Imagine how much MORE $$ isn’t going into the federal reserve.

    Reply
  • November 6, 2018 at 6:06 pm
    Permalink

    I just voted for him!! Can I get a HUUUUUUUUYEAH

    note: this comment if before the election result are out

    Reply
  • November 6, 2018 at 6:53 pm
    Permalink

    So he curses, he liked to party when he was younger (without sexually assaulting innocent women), and he plays in a rock band. Wow, Republicans. Way to make a solid case against him. LOL

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 12:42 am
    Permalink

    Voted for him during early voting!! Got my family to vote for him as well.

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 1:21 am
    Permalink

    Daddy Beto 😂😂

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 2:27 am
    Permalink

    YES!

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 3:44 am
    Permalink

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvKElqdUxZg

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 3:55 am
    Permalink

    Let me answer that.

    NO.

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 4:07 am
    Permalink

    rip beto lost. Here comes the storm now.

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 4:28 am
    Permalink

    I'm highly disappointed in my hometown state of Texas

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 5:48 am
    Permalink

    Haahahaaha……this hollywood spoilt sodomite thinks he knows whats going on in texas….we have a slogan here in texas…dont mess with texas..or our guns or our bible or borders…beto maybe if u move to california u can be someone of importance coz down here we dont care much for your nutty brian dead socialist agandas that have destroyed california chicago newyork..u name it..goodbye beto ..please dont embarass yourself by trying to run again in texas..adios amigo!!!!

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 5:49 am
    Permalink

    I came here to listen to all the liberals crying and whinnying..ahaa!!,,.the world is at it should be

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 12:45 pm
    Permalink

    Stephie is 0-2. must be beside himself.

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 3:43 pm
    Permalink

    But the mainstream liberal get upset when president Trump ask Hannity to come onstage but look at this guy pretending to do comedy and in reality campaigning for the democratic party. All of them nbc, abc, cbs, npr, nyt, cnn, msnbc, hbo, etc are nothing but bots for the liberal/commie democratic party.

    Reply
  • November 7, 2018 at 11:35 pm
    Permalink

    Ted Cruz won. The Statesman and Constitutional Scholar prevailed over the punk rocker on a skateboard. Ten Alyssa Milanos simply would have made the gap larger.

    Reply
  • November 8, 2018 at 3:20 am
    Permalink

    And then he lost…

    Reply
  • November 8, 2018 at 9:29 am
    Permalink

    I love it, watching this after the elections is so delightful 🍸cheers

    Reply
  • November 8, 2018 at 5:17 pm
    Permalink

    Beto O'Rourke was the darling of the leftist media–their political rock star who was supposed to get rid of Senator Ted Cruz, whom the media despises.
    O’Rourke had more than $70 million, a record for a U.S. Senate race, and unlimited liberal media hype. Once again, the voters of Texas disappointed the left by refusing to elect its darling.

    Reply
  • November 8, 2018 at 7:23 pm
    Permalink

    Y’all are political hacks. It’s sad. You’re brainwashed by the libs because you don’t want to think for yourself. You’re an individual. Think for yourself. It’s pathetic.

    Reply
  • November 9, 2018 at 5:03 am
    Permalink

    Beto is 1 year younger than Ted Cruz but they look like they belong in different age brackets

    Reply
  • November 9, 2018 at 7:29 am
    Permalink

    Cruz won 😎 come at my lib tards

    Reply
  • November 9, 2018 at 2:52 pm
    Permalink

    Worship God our heavenly father in someone who respersent God…

    Reply
  • November 9, 2018 at 2:56 pm
    Permalink

    Womp womp

    Reply
  • November 9, 2018 at 3:07 pm
    Permalink

    TED CRUZ!

    Reply
  • November 10, 2018 at 12:08 am
    Permalink

    The stupidity of this show and the idiots clapping and cheering is astounding.

    Reply
  • November 10, 2018 at 6:40 am
    Permalink

    Just here to drink liberal tears

    Reply
  • December 12, 2018 at 1:31 am
    Permalink

    Another empty suit pretty boy with a charismatic smile, beta backbone, and no real accomplishments – past or present. Oh, wait just like obama. Worst part is all of the lemmings who will end up voting for him are the same blind lemmings who voted for obama – including dingleberry colbert and his audience. :::SMH:::

    Reply
  • December 12, 2018 at 5:07 pm
    Permalink

    aaaand then beto lost

    Reply
  • December 17, 2018 at 6:45 pm
    Permalink

    All of you ‘believers’ actually thought he’d win. 🤣 now you dipshits think he’ll be president 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Reply
  • January 10, 2019 at 12:52 pm
    Permalink

    Beto is way too extreme liberal. Besides, skateboarding's a dorky hobby anyway.

    Reply
  • January 17, 2019 at 2:27 am
    Permalink

    I guess that answer is: no , he can’t. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Reply
  • January 18, 2019 at 2:11 pm
    Permalink

    It's Beh- toeh

    Reply
  • January 21, 2019 at 3:49 am
    Permalink

    I think Beeeeetow must've hit a rut on his skateboard (the skateboard used to be the vehicle of choice for 12 year olds) and fallen on his head…great candidate!!!!! NOT!

    Reply
  • February 10, 2019 at 1:04 am
    Permalink

    Love that Beto swears! He’s actually a human, most adults I know cuss, including myself, glad he’s not a robot like the Zodiac killer

    Reply
  • February 12, 2019 at 3:52 am
    Permalink

    Beta got noped!

    Reply
  • February 12, 2019 at 4:36 am
    Permalink

    Robert the fake couldn't even beat Herman's monster's son

    Reply
  • February 12, 2019 at 1:52 pm
    Permalink

    Beto lost. Lol

    Reply
  • February 12, 2019 at 2:22 pm
    Permalink

    Propaganda at its finest.

    Reply
  • February 12, 2019 at 3:46 pm
    Permalink

    So happy Beto won the senate seat and beat Cruz. Beto is everything I could ask for.

    Reply
  • February 12, 2019 at 8:04 pm
    Permalink

    here's something we already know and experienced…….beto is a loser…..he wants to be a 2 time loser now…

    Reply
  • February 13, 2019 at 10:27 pm
    Permalink

    He’s an inexperienced Beta.

    Reply
  • February 16, 2019 at 2:09 am
    Permalink

    Cruz vs O'Rourke …vote for the Irish white dude 😉

    Reply
  • February 16, 2019 at 1:47 pm
    Permalink

    That would be a no, Stephan.

    Reply
  • February 22, 2019 at 6:47 am
    Permalink

    ORourke will be indicted for treason the evidence shows he privately met with wanted drug KINGPIN EL CHAPO AND ACCEPTED bribery PAYOFF MONEY upwards of 1 MILLION DOLLARS PER WEEK TO INSURE THAT EL CHAPO'S DRUGS MAKE IT ACROSS THE BORDER INTO AMERICA! This is TREASON

    Reply
  • March 1, 2019 at 4:16 am
    Permalink

    Yes cruz won

    Reply
  • March 14, 2019 at 3:19 pm
    Permalink

    I hope 🤞🏻 he gets to debate Trump… it will be a total spanking… for Beta

    Reply
  • March 14, 2019 at 11:23 pm
    Permalink

    Even this show couldn't get him elected..

    Reply
  • March 15, 2019 at 2:11 am
    Permalink

    BeatOff O'Rourke is a RADICAL LEFTIST he will never win the primary he is a boy and it will take one hell of a man to ever have a chance at beating TRUMP

    Reply
  • March 15, 2019 at 2:27 am
    Permalink

    La busha zanda?

    Reply
  • March 15, 2019 at 4:10 am
    Permalink

    Is this a joke? While I'm sure I would like Beto fine as a person, as I like most people, he is not close to Bernie Sanders in what drives him in terms of issues. Like Obama, other than generally good sentiment, a good rap and human ego, Beto O'Rourke brings nothing but more of the same. This country needs profound changes, from the ground up. Bernie Sanders is the first guy in my lifetime anywhere near the White House who brings the passion and incorruptibility to inspire and implement these changes from the ground up. If he's elected President, we'll see this. Do you think Beto O''Rourke would even whisper about getting rid of 'citizens united' if elected, let alone bringing on a new glass stegal act, never mind taking on the pharmaceutical industry and the insurance industry which is all what is necessary in implementing universal healthcare….um, no. His aspirations will be limited to appealing in personality to as many people as possible (so taking on the corporate media will be out too). We need more than touchy feel-good talk and white smiles. We need real changes, which requires real courage and unwavering focus and passion. Bernie 2020…..obviously.

    Reply
  • March 15, 2019 at 5:15 am
    Permalink

    Lmao dude rides a skateboard like hes riding a surf board hes not a skater some 6 year old kids first time on a skateboard can ride better then this goof. Hey libtards you going to need a more hip loser for president

    Reply
  • March 16, 2019 at 4:17 am
    Permalink

    Beto looks like a cuckhold.

    Reply
  • March 17, 2019 at 2:14 am
    Permalink

    Remember when Steven’s writers were worth a shit? This is just bad. 🤦🏻‍♂️

    Reply
  • March 17, 2019 at 7:30 am
    Permalink

    His name is Robert Francis….not Beto….he has a DUI with hit and run AND a burglary charge….go ahead, Dems!

    Reply
  • March 17, 2019 at 4:08 pm
    Permalink

    Beto is a fake, manufactured criminal….how can anyone take this idiot serious??? All these late night hosts are the same…ass kissers who are puppets.

    Reply
  • March 18, 2019 at 3:19 am
    Permalink

    Beto is a obvious and logical choice since Beto beat Cruze in Texas and Cruze beat Donald Trump in presidential race so he will definitely beats the Trump….oh…wait…WHAAAAT?!

    Reply
  • March 18, 2019 at 12:13 pm
    Permalink

    Wow! he can ride a skateboard for 10 seconds?! I'm voting for him

    Reply
  • March 19, 2019 at 8:02 pm
    Permalink

    " I want Beto in my mouth!"-Steven Colbert

    Reply
  • March 23, 2019 at 5:35 am
    Permalink

    This didn't age well for Stephen.

    Reply
  • March 25, 2019 at 8:29 pm
    Permalink

    Betas gotta stick up for Beto.

    Reply
  • March 25, 2019 at 11:22 pm
    Permalink

    Yes, yes he will

    Reply
  • April 1, 2019 at 10:53 pm
    Permalink

    nope

    Reply
  • April 8, 2019 at 3:17 pm
    Permalink

    Steven Colbert you want to Give Beto head.

    Reply
  • April 29, 2019 at 9:31 pm
    Permalink

    More biased late night talk shows showing their stupidity. The fake Mexican with white privilege lost the election. Also Beto hates America, just listen to his message.

    Reply
  • April 30, 2019 at 8:55 am
    Permalink

    Great job Beto fans…. lol

    Reply
  • May 23, 2019 at 3:03 pm
    Permalink

    Hmm, the answer is…..no, no he can't, even with a ton more campaign funds. If you go back and watch this kind of smarmy sarcastic content after the fact it's pretty sour.

    Reply
  • May 25, 2019 at 10:57 am
    Permalink

    You're all crazy. I'll get back to sanity and actual comedy, bye.

    Reply
  • June 13, 2019 at 11:41 am
    Permalink

    No he won't make it because fortunately in Texas we still have people with brains. Unlike California , New York and Illinois.

    Reply
  • June 17, 2019 at 3:16 am
    Permalink

    1:01 "Ooooohhh, shiiit…" haha

    Reply
  • June 26, 2019 at 3:34 am
    Permalink

    Colbert is still salty about that 2016 landslide😂 trump 2020!

    Reply
  • July 11, 2019 at 2:09 pm
    Permalink

    I’m flummoxed why anyone thinks Bobby Beta is someone who could be president.  The guy is an empty long sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

    Reply
  • July 11, 2019 at 2:09 pm
    Permalink

    He struggles because he is totally vapid.  It's that simple.  Complete air head who  can skate board, video tape his hair cut's, and live steam his dental appointments.    That's about it…..he thought could beat Ted Cruz — and lost — now he thinks he is ready for President.    Total air head.

    Reply
  • July 17, 2019 at 6:14 am
    Permalink

    Who’s here checking in right before BetaMale has to drop out of the presidential primaries??? LOLOLOL

    Liberal media and coastal donors tried hard to overwhelm the Silent Majority but they saw through this hapless creep with his DUI, hit and run, creepy murder fantasy story. Put a fork in beta male.

    Reply
  • August 6, 2019 at 11:36 pm
    Permalink

    Beto blows… And Colbert sucks… He used to be funny.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *