People are so complicated that most of us don’t even understand our feelings and thoughts half the time. Yet, here we are. 7.5 billion of us stuck on this rock, having to interact with each other, everyone with different goals and values and beliefs, and we all gotta try and get along. And also some people have knifes and no emotional reaction to murder- Well, that’s not the point. When I say relationships. I’m talking about any type of interaction between people. Friends, Family, Colleagues, When you do the kisses with someone ;3 Red flags are a term that everyone’s familiar with. That person cheats on everyone they’ve been with? (flirty flirt) RED FLAG.>:( That person only uses people for their personal benefit? RED FLAG. That person doesn’t wipe off the knife after spreading butter on toast, and when they go for more butter, little crumbs get stuck in the tub? (I’m looking at you joe) R e D f L a G. (get outta here you stupid butter) But what about red flags that only start revealing themselves once you’ve built trust with someone and have a connection with? :/ When your opinion of someone is positive, those flags can start being overlooked or you start saying, “Oh, but they’re a good person. I trust them!” “Oh-” hehe “I mean, they wouldn’t want to hurt me on purpose.” (or would they??!!) It’s easy to rationalize warning signs of a bad relationship when you have a positive view of someone. But it doesn’t mean they’re not there, or should be ignored. They’re still being a jerk. It’s just complicated by your history together. I think the majority of people tend to be too nice or passive or overly understanding. It’s really common, and easy to do. :/ Because of that, toxic relationships are much more prevalent than you’d realize, and it can be difficult to know what to look for. (true) There’s a chance you’re in a hurtful relationship right now and don’t even realize it. (a butter knife.. WitH CRuMbS oN iT!?!?) The term, “manipulation” gets thrown around a lot. And because of that I think a lot of people would feel they would be able to identify manipulation if it happened to themselves. But it’s not as easy as, “Chad and Sally are dating.” “Sally wants to go out with friends.” “Chad forces Sally to stay home with him. Chad’s a manipulator.” (dang it chad) FBI OPEN UP! Yeah, that’s actually a super common manipulative situation. (ye) But the way manipulation works, is that it builds up slowly over time and is almost entirely emotional. Chad might instead start isolating Sally from her friends by nitpicking things he doesn’t like about an individual person at a time. (frick chad) Chad: I don’t like how Nick talks to a lot of girls. It’s kind of weird. Chad: Don’t you think Don drinks too much? It’s not too responsible of her. Little implants like that can make Sally view her friends not as highly one by one and start trusting Chad more. A few months of this go by and Sally’s not hanging out with any of her friends anymore. (Poor Sally) and Chad successfully isolated her which means he has much more control over her thoughts and emotions. (friggin chad) You still might think that’s easy to see through and some people are better at picking up on warning flags and others. I think it’s important to keep in mind that everything in real life is much more humanized than when we talk about ’em. For example, we’re raised to believe that drugs are awful. It’s pretty much brainwashed into us. *flashbacks to health class* You’re at a party, the lights are blaring and someone comes up to you and goes, “Hey kid… wanna do a drug?” (epic time slowing noises) Time slows down.. The cigarette is glowing with evil energy… You look up and all of a sudden they’ve grown horns and fangs and OH MY GOD IT’S SATAN! No, it’s not what happens. (yes it is) Realistically, you’d be at a small get-together with close friends. You’ve had a nice night with them so far. Laughing and having a good time just like normal. One of them just takes out a little sandwich baggie and it’s like, “Hey, I’ve got coke.” There’s no time slow-mo, or sirens It’s a completely normal feeling situation and all of a sudden your brain is confused. “Drugs are bad, but this is my friend.” “We’ve known each other since fifth grade. He’s just a normal dude.” “He’s not bad.” “Are my other friends gonna do it?” THUD *friends plop on the table* Your brain thinks of any excuse it can to rationalize behavior from people you trust or think highly of which applies to relationships. It can be difficult, but you need to define how people should treat you and respect yourself enough to not let people maneuver you into bad situations. Emotionally abusive and manipulative relationships are super frickin’ common. And it’s tricky because they jostle with your head feels and can make you feel like a squashed fly on a window. Stuck, powerless, sad. If like corpses even feel sad, I mean, I guess they’re just dead (Or are they?) Emotional blackmail is a way to control or manipulate someone by using guilt, fear, and obligation against them. Is someone passive-aggressive, overly controlling, do they use threats like, “Do this or I’ll hurt you”, or even, “Do this or I’ll hurt myself”. That leads to another difficult situation. If someone ever belittles themselves, “I’m pathetic, you should just leave me.” “I’m gonna hurt myself” It puts you in a complicated position because it can feel like there’s a responsibility to provide this person with whatever they need, because obviously you care about them and you don’t want them to feel this way or even do something bad to themselves. But this is a hard pill you’ve got to just swallow. *Drumroll* You are not personally responsible for anyone’s happiness. “But they’ve got really bad self-esteem, and I’m worried that…” NOT responsible for anyone’s happiness. “But they’re really depressed and can’t help it so I feel like if I just…” NOT responsible for anyone’s happiness. Santa: “But I’m Santa Claus.” All right, gray area. Responsibilities shouldn’t be assigned to you. Even if it breaks your heart to step back, people normally aren’t equipped to be able to help someone with their issues anyway. So it’s best to encourage them to see a professional who’s been trained to know how to handle things. Someone might be struggling with their own personal stuff, but mental illness doesn’t negate their responsibility to maintain a healthy relationship. It just means they need to work on themselves, which is okay, but you don’t need to be a part of that. You’ve got your own junk. They’ve got their junk. You need to decide how much of their junk you want to help with. Don’t let them forcefully shove their junk on you. I like to imagine I’m my own little ecosystem and I do my best to maintain it every day. If there’s a person or a relationship I have that just feels like pollution in any way, maybe it started off well, but slowly started feeling damaging. Then I’ve got to just step back and ask myself if I need to kick them off my planet. It sounds harsh at first, but you really can’t drop your responsibility to maintain your ecosystem in hopes to improve someone else’s. Who’s gonna watch your ecosystem? No one. Because that’s your responsibility. Communication is the most important way to know if you can work on fixing the relationship or need to cut it. “Hey, dude, can you stop dumping toxic waste into my ocean? You’ve been doing it for a while and all my cute little dolphins are dying.” “Oh, geez. I didn’t even realize I was hurting them. I’m sorry what can I do to be better?” Not only have you communicated that there’s a problem, but the person takes full responsibility and is willing to work on getting better. But if they say “Look, how was I supposed to know? I was just trying to help! Why are you being so sensitive.” “That’s toxic as shii-!>:D” Shifting blame, gas lighting, guilt-tripping, Cassius deportation. Let them know how they’re affecting you. Set boundaries on how much you can give and make sure you both have your own support system. So you don’t have to just rely on each other. If things don’t change, *Splat* Look at your behaviors as well. You feel like you need to justify or explain their actions too much. Do other people you trust not like them? People can get stuck accidentally blaming themselves or over rationalizing things that are just not right in the first place, and don’t forget that you can also be doing things wrong too. Self reflect a bit, verbalize your feelings. Ask yourself, “Am I being an a**hole?” Why are you doing things out of spite? Anger? Jealousy? It’s tough to admit your faults, but it’s more important to be 💯 percent real and brutally honest with yourself. If you’re gonna maintain a 💯 percent real relationship. People who manipulate most often don’t realize they’re being manipulative. No one wakes up and is like, “haha I’m gonna be super manipulative today.” Think about your contributions to your relationships and how they affect things. It’s okay to admit when you’ve messed up. It’s more messed up to turn a blind eye and keep being a jerk. It takes a lot to break off any sort of relationship because it can feel like a defeat or like you’ve given up but sometimes that’s just straight up the best and healthiest solution for both of you. Two people can be great but just not mixed well together and if you feel like leaving is dangerous for either you or them, ironically, that’s a pretty strong reason to leave in the first place. Someone shouldn’t ever need you. They should want to you. Your ecosystem should be able to sustain itself and relationships are just the little sprinkles of fertilizer benefit.. for it if you feel like you’re not strong enough to break something off, a good way to work on that is to build confidence, build a good support system, journal your thoughts, practice positive self-talk, “I aM a GoD-” alright not that positive. Treat yourself as a friend. It’s not selfish to want the best for yourself. Especially when someone’s over here being a happiness vampire. When you break something off with someone, remember why things didn’t work. Repeat it in your head if you need to. A lot of people try and rekindle relationships when the initial problem hasn’t been fixed. People need time to change. You don’t owe someone a second chance if they haven’t put in the work to fix anything and you can’t force someone to get help. If you’re unsure about a relationship think about these questions, Do you put off seeing or responding to them? Do you feel worse after spending time with them have they threatened you or themselves in any way? Did they make you feel like you can’t do things on your own or you can’t make a single decision without them? Do they ask for a lot of favors or money and don’t pay it back? Do they talk badly behind your back? Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them? Do they put you down? If it’s a yes to more than one of those, then you should start considering either ending it or try to communicate and resolve the problems. Don’t tolerate any pollution. You’re the one who has to live in it, and you deserve clean air. Big thanks to my friend Kati Morton for helping me out with the writing this video. I wanted to make sure I didn’t say anything inaccurate and she’s a licensed specialist with this type of stuff and I trust her a lot. Of course, I hope you’re able to take this advice and interpret it to situations in your own way. If you want to put a lot of energy into trying to help or be there for someone that’s completely fine. I just want people to know it’s okay to think about yourself as well in situations I’ve met and I’m friends with so many great people who tried to help someone they care about but it ended up being too much. And starts dragging them down too, like once you start talking to people about it. It’s like holy crap! Literally everyone’s gone through something like this and it’s so easily preventable if you know what to look for. Anyway, thanks for watching. Hope this helps someone out there. You’re great. Talk to you later. Bye. Ari says bye too.

Things about Relationships I wish someone told me about

100 thoughts on “Things about Relationships I wish someone told me about

  • August 22, 2019 at 3:14 am
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    Wait, was that Toga who woke up?

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  • August 22, 2019 at 3:30 am
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    My planet is messed up as friiigggg

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  • August 22, 2019 at 3:32 am
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    what if i have a friend and she's suicidal and on her instagram stories she always talks about how she wants to die and that she's not happy. everytime i see it i text her and i say stuff along the lines of "hey you can talk to me whenever. im here for you" and she always sends me paragraphs about how she hates her life. i honestly dont know what to do and i feel like if i told her that "i dont know what to do" or "i dont know what to say" or even "it'll be okay" she'll be even more upset and say things like "im a terrible person" "i dont deserve you, i should just die" and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. but its so draining to hear it all the time. =/ any advice?

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  • August 22, 2019 at 4:03 am
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    Milk before cereal

    RED FLAG

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  • August 22, 2019 at 4:16 am
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    When this video came out I watched it but had to send it to a friend because we were in a kinda toxic friend ship with some one and so watching this made me feel a lot better :3 (thank you jaden)

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  • August 22, 2019 at 4:19 am
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    Zwoldo time will move again

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  • August 22, 2019 at 5:29 am
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    Guys I have a friend who I am accidentally being mean to and I have no idea why can you guys help me get some tips so I don’t hurt people on accident please he’s my best friend

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  • August 22, 2019 at 6:17 am
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    Great educational vid yaas

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  • August 22, 2019 at 7:10 am
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    What’s the average age of your fans? I bet it’s not 42! My son watches your videos and I overhear them, laughing and squinting at his screen from across the room. I’ve seen about half your videos (via my sons iPad) and am watching the other half. This is BRAVO! So, incredibly on point—all of it. Way to be awesome!

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  • August 22, 2019 at 7:20 am
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    You look up, and
    All of the sudden they've grown horns
    And fangs
    And oh my God it's SomethingElseYT

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  • August 22, 2019 at 9:59 am
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    I love you Jaiden
    When I saw this video, I screamed at the Jojo reference and My hero academia
    I love you even more now

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  • August 22, 2019 at 10:13 am
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    “dont let them force their junk on you”

    great advice

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  • August 22, 2019 at 10:35 am
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    I wish I had friends jaiden

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  • August 22, 2019 at 11:05 am
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    Another form of manipulation is the one Lucifer uses

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  • August 22, 2019 at 12:38 pm
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    Haha 'but I'm Santa…alright that's a gray area'😅😅😅 Finally, someone who understand! It is ABSOLUTELY no one is responsible for my happiness, other than myself. I expect for others around me, for a long time people thought I was too harsh, yet I knew that I wasn't. Great video. Witty approach to a topic that can be tricky to navigate. I'm sharing this on my socials as it'll defs help my family and friends to be aware!😊

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  • August 22, 2019 at 1:29 pm
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    😀 only like if you got the message!

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  • August 22, 2019 at 2:05 pm
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    Thankyou this really helped and like this was really funny and like I love thses 🙂

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  • August 22, 2019 at 2:13 pm
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    I think casually explained did a better job at this XD

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  • August 22, 2019 at 2:52 pm
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    thats toxic as SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

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  • August 22, 2019 at 4:54 pm
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    I think iam cursed when i ever talk to a stranger (same age As me & agirl) they like me and wanna date me i dont get it what should i do please help me

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  • August 22, 2019 at 5:14 pm
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    😘😘😍😍👍👍👍❤❤💓💓💘

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  • August 22, 2019 at 5:27 pm
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    that was a really good analogy!

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  • August 22, 2019 at 5:40 pm
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    This video REALY helped me with to brake up with my ex best friend. So i REALY wanna thank you💕💕

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  • August 22, 2019 at 6:15 pm
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    the animation is so smooth, i love it !!!

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  • August 22, 2019 at 6:25 pm
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    But I’m Santa Claus 🎅🏿

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  • August 22, 2019 at 8:25 pm
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    Seriously why did u put toga? U could have put Bakugou obviously lol 😂

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  • August 22, 2019 at 8:31 pm
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    I got out of a really toxic relationship with a friend, but was still defending her to everyone I knew. This video really helped me realize that I am not responsible for her and I feel so much happier now. Thanks Jaiden <3

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  • August 22, 2019 at 11:17 pm
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    8:14 thats how i am sometimes if i get hurt physically or emotionally

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  • August 22, 2019 at 11:20 pm
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    Are you an animator, or a psychologist?

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  • August 22, 2019 at 11:21 pm
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    So if I im in a bad relationship should I stap spending time with tham

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  • August 23, 2019 at 12:38 am
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    The problem is some people would say I'm manipulating with my negativity… But I just kind of hate myself.

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  • August 23, 2019 at 12:48 am
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    T O G A

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  • August 23, 2019 at 2:34 am
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    Such an amazing message!

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  • August 23, 2019 at 2:53 am
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    What about ur children? U responsible for dem?

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  • August 23, 2019 at 3:12 am
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    (^O^)❤When you take off the chocolate part of an (^O^)❤ice cream sandwich and licks the ice cream (^O^)❤instead

    (^O^)❤RED FLAG❤

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  • August 23, 2019 at 4:00 am
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    5:20

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  • August 23, 2019 at 4:04 am
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    3:22 😂😂 you'll thank me later

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  • August 23, 2019 at 4:13 am
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    5:40 looks like TheOddOneIsOut in real life :0

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  • August 23, 2019 at 4:50 am
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    Illymations knows what manipulation feels like

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  • August 23, 2019 at 4:51 am
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    People in highschool:

    Girl: I like you
    Boy: I'm gay.

    Girl: slowly walks away

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  • August 23, 2019 at 4:56 am
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    2:20 :

    Wake up
    Mute
    Make out
    Self doubt
    Make sandwich
    Sleep
    Unmute
    Guild trip
    Blame
    Wumbo

    alright then.

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  • August 23, 2019 at 4:58 am
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    Kid: are my other friends gonna do it?

    Friends:

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  • August 23, 2019 at 5:13 am
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    But it is my dad what the f*** am I supposed to do

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  • August 23, 2019 at 5:17 am
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    That toga scene tho

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  • August 23, 2019 at 6:00 am
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    This video… This video made me realize im the worse ^-^

    Aka I need to help myself..
    Thanks Jaiden~!!

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  • August 23, 2019 at 6:55 am
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    Lols

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  • August 23, 2019 at 9:37 am
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    Great example with the ecosystem stuff

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  • August 23, 2019 at 10:00 am
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    7:22 ok jaiden you need to make a video of the shows you watch (it’s toga from MHA)

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  • August 23, 2019 at 11:34 am
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    *hey Ive got coke*

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  • August 23, 2019 at 11:37 am
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    this actually really helped me

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  • August 23, 2019 at 11:39 am
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    I used to be in a toxic relationship, my friends didn’t like her but I didn’t realize it until I saw this video, so thank you for helping me through my toxic relationship with my former best friend! (We no longer talk she still hates me, she used to use me to do her work)

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  • August 23, 2019 at 12:43 pm
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    7:20 is that toga from boku no hero academia/my hero academia

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  • August 23, 2019 at 1:21 pm
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    ^-^ thank you that helped me alot!!!😊😊

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  • August 23, 2019 at 2:26 pm
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    MY HERO ACEDAMIA
    REFRENCE

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  • August 23, 2019 at 3:01 pm
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    Do they hate your friends for no reason?
    RED FLAG!!

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  • August 23, 2019 at 3:23 pm
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    Did anyone else notice Toga from my hero academia

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  • August 23, 2019 at 3:37 pm
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    7:22 IT’S TOGA!

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  • August 23, 2019 at 5:42 pm
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    person bites a kitkat whole

    Me: RED FLAG
    When someone puts milk after cereal

    Me: OH HELL NO RED FLAG!!!!

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  • August 23, 2019 at 6:35 pm
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    jaiden the ecosystem management mermaid

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  • August 23, 2019 at 7:12 pm
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    8:09

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  • August 23, 2019 at 7:19 pm
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    Toga!! Lol mha reference. nice jaiden

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  • August 23, 2019 at 7:52 pm
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    za warudo 2:40

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  • August 23, 2019 at 9:17 pm
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    I really liked the part when a toon had Toga's hair

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  • August 23, 2019 at 9:18 pm
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    2:45 lol😂😂

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  • August 23, 2019 at 9:29 pm
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    Who's ready to hear a story that happened to me that has something to do with this video? Yep? Ok. Here we go:

    This has happened to me so much. I wasted so much time on them. I'm so glad I dropped them, even if it was months later. They were toxic, and me and my real friends did realise that. I tried to drop them so many times, but I have a problem were I get so guilty. Then I asked a real friend to help me (she dropped them before). She honestly helped me do much and I can't thank her enough. They still bother me, but my health and self-esteem are my top priorities right now.

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  • August 23, 2019 at 9:30 pm
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    I'm in a toxic relationship
    With an ex-friend
    She was a bully so I stopped hanging out with her
    But then she said she changed so I gave her a second chance
    Now……I'm under her spell again
    She dragges me around calles me stupid , worthless
    But when I try to stop her
    She spreads rumors around and says
    If you don't do this I'll hurt myself
    And so I look after her
    When I shouldn't I know but what if she does so I
    Keep on helping her

    The for the service jaiden
    You have inspired me allot and pushed me to try new things

    thankyou xxxx

    Reply
  • August 23, 2019 at 10:05 pm
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    7:23 hey toga how you doing today

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  • August 23, 2019 at 10:17 pm
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    I was in a toxic relationship once, it was terrible, I was too young to be in one too. Which made me felt like it was my fault, and four years later I still have that thought. I was also was in a toxic friendship literally 6 months ago which was basically the same feeling that lasted way longer than it should've. Both of these things makes me feel bad about myself. I'm going into high school really soon, but this vid relates to me very much, which makes me feel better. Thank u

    Reply
  • August 23, 2019 at 10:20 pm
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    7:21 is that Himiko Toga??!!

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  • August 23, 2019 at 11:46 pm
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    I aM a GoD 8:14

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  • August 23, 2019 at 11:52 pm
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    7:22
    Toga: I luvvvvv Izukuuuuuuuu
    Me: NOPE THAT IS A RED FLAG GET THIS CRAZY CHILD BACK TO JAPAN

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 12:04 am
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    I have not words, Just wonderful keep like that

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 12:16 am
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    “You’re not responsible for their happiness”
    Mom: am I a joke to you?

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 1:43 am
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    insert angry kids that are saying there relationship with their mother but their mother just grounded them from fortnite

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 2:06 am
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    t o g a

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 2:06 am
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    I AM DOING A JAIDEN MARATHON!

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 2:53 am
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    I once had a toxic best friend. Now that I have real best friends I can see what a beautiful person I am

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 3:14 am
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    I understand I’m 4 months to late but thanks for posting this it kinda really helped with some nastiness someone was releasing into my “ecosystem” and I broke off and now feel a lot better about not only myself but also feel better about trusting others so thanks!

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 3:30 am
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    7:54

    Newborns: Am I a joke to you?

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 4:31 am
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    2:52 I don't know why I keep repeating this

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 4:48 am
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    "And also some people have knives…"
    My dumb brain says that in that scene, you interacted with Stephen.

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 4:52 am
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    ok so what was this?!?! 2:45

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 5:35 am
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    Oof, I have many toxic friends

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 5:50 am
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    Lol I told my friend we are no longer friends

    Why? Because she STOLE MY MONEEEEY she basically lied about having no money and I paid 20 dollars for both of your tickets to a movie then she proceeds to bribe someone with CASH (100 dollar bill bruh) just for their seat and popcorn and I literally blocked her because red flag already being unhonest

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 6:21 am
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    I got the muffet reference

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 8:06 am
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    Jaiden: Sticks note on head that says eviction notice

    Me: ….tHaTs A rObLoX gAmE ;0. aM sHoOk

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 8:30 am
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    Coulda got it to 10 mins…

    It's a jokeeee

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 8:45 am
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    Yeah I see this a lot

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 9:11 am
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    Friend: Hey I got coke!

    Me: WTF?! Get that s#@! away from me you satan worshipping lunatic

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 10:08 am
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    Toga-

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 10:16 am
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    Jaiden tell to Illy

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 10:35 am
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    What 8:16 the face on the back of his head

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 10:50 am
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    I actually had a dream last night about a toxic ex-friend who I haven't even seen in years. The kicker is that she truly didn't know she was awful. She had the best intentions, a huge heart, awful habits, insecurity, too many defenses, and an inability to be wrong ever.

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 12:06 pm
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    Fuck, i think i'm a bad friend ;-;

    I tHINK IM TOXIC SOMEONE SAVE MEEEEE ;^;

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 12:31 pm
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    Oh how many time I came back to this videos everytime a friend has a relationship problem

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 1:07 pm
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    Jaden, did you ever think about being a therapist? It's just I really love listening to like all the problems in your life and in other people's lives because your voice is just seems like it would be good to be a therapist cuz it sounds just so kind and so trustful.

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 1:25 pm
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    Thank you Jaiden that really helped most of my “friends”are very manipulating me

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 1:47 pm
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    Am I not responsible for my parents' happiness ?

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 2:10 pm
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    “Don’t let the forcefully shove their junk on you”

    ~Jaiden 2019

    Reply
  • August 24, 2019 at 2:59 pm
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    When someone leaves juice on the bottom of the microwave

    RED FLAG

    Reply

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