– Now I don’t know if you’ve
been following the news, but I’ve been keeping my ears open and it seems like everyone, everywhere is super mad about
everything all the time. I try to stay a little optimistic,
even though I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky. Here’s how I try to look
at it, and this is just me. This guy being the president, it’s like there’s a horse
loose in a hospital. It’s like there’s a horse
loose in a hospital. I think eventually
everything’s gonna be okay, but I have no idea
what’s gonna happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your parents, because there’s a horse
loose in the hospital. It’s never happened before. No one knows what the
horse is gonna do next, least of all the horse. He’s never been in a hospital before. He’s as confused as you are. There’s no experts. They try to find experts on the news. They’re like, we’re joined now by a man that once saw a bird in the airport. It’s like, get out of here with that shit. We’ve all seen a bird in the airport. This is a horse loose in a hospital. When a horse is loose in a
hospital you gotta stay updated. So all day long, you walk around, oh, what’d the horse
do, what’d the horse do. The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. You’re like, the horse used the elevator? I didn’t know he knew how to do that. The creepiest days are when you don’t hear from the horse at all. Like down in the
operating room, like, hey, has anyone, uh… has anyone hea– (makes clip-clop sounds). Those are those quiet
days when people are like, it looks like the horse
has finally calmed down and then ten seconds
later the horse is like, I’m gonna run towards the baby incubators and smash ’em with my hooves, I’ve got nice hooves and
long tail, I’m a horse. And it’s like, aw, that’s
what I thought you’d say you dumb fuckin’ horse. And then, then, then you
go to brunch with people and they’re like, there
shouldn’t be a horse in the hospital. And it’s like, we’re well past that. And then other are people are like, well if there’s gonna
be horse in the hospital I’m gonna say the n-word on TV, and it’s like, those
don’t match up at all. And then for a second it seems like maybe we could survive the horse, and then five thousand miles away a hippo was like, I have a nuclear bomb, And I’m gonna blow up the hospital. And before we could say
anything, the horse was like, if you even fucking look at the hospital, I will stomp you to death with my hooves. I dare you to do it. I want, I want you to do it. I want you to do so I can
stomp you with my hooves I’m so fuckin’ crazy. And he’s like, you think
you’re fuckin’ crazy, I’m a fuckin’ hippopotamus, I
live in a fuckin’ lake of mud, I’m fuckin’ crazy. And all of us are like,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, like poor Andy Cohen at
those goddamn reunions, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. And then for a second we were like, maybe the horse catcher
will catch the horse, and then the horse is like, I have fired the horse catcher. He can do that? That shouldn’t be allowed,
no matter who the horse is. I don’t remember that in Hamilton.

There’s a Horse In The Hospital | John Mulaney | Netflix Is A Joke

100 thoughts on “There’s a Horse In The Hospital | John Mulaney | Netflix Is A Joke

  • September 3, 2019 at 5:35 pm
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    Ha ha ha orange man bad

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  • September 3, 2019 at 9:22 pm
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    He's obviously never heard of Andrew Jackson

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  • September 3, 2019 at 10:18 pm
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    Is this guy another anti Trump ? Whatever… lol.

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  • September 3, 2019 at 11:01 pm
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    Iv always liked this dude but this one was weak. Try again john.

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  • September 3, 2019 at 11:14 pm
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    Orange man bad

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  • September 4, 2019 at 1:15 am
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    Normally I hate political jokes cuz they are so lazy and bias but this one is clever and is really funny

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  • September 4, 2019 at 3:49 am
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    I love trump but this is hilarious lmao

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  • September 4, 2019 at 10:30 am
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    1:40 "wow,, didn't know it did that"

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  • September 4, 2019 at 12:28 pm
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    His way of telling stories and jokes honestly make my day.

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  • September 4, 2019 at 3:51 pm
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    i have a feeling this isnt about a horse in a hospital

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  • September 5, 2019 at 12:25 am
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    Hum, I think the horse is Trump…

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  • September 5, 2019 at 3:48 am
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    Who the fuck is Andy Cohen?

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  • September 5, 2019 at 7:49 pm
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    I wonder where the world of comedy is going to go after trump. Probably die. And only Dave Chapelle will be left.

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  • September 6, 2019 at 1:20 am
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    I love trump and this is one of the funniest thing I've heard… He is a horse in the hospital.👏

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  • September 6, 2019 at 5:42 pm
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    Anyone else want to show this to a trump supporter and tell them it’s about Obama?

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  • September 6, 2019 at 7:08 pm
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    That horse has a booming economy and came into office with a near 9 BILLION dollar empire. The horse's a** that was there before him came into office feeding from the affirmative action and racism trough not even having the knowledge to find the hospital, only the fools who like to eat horse sh**.

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  • September 8, 2019 at 3:02 am
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    i love this. does anyone else expect him to break into song and/or dance? i wouldn't mind

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  • September 8, 2019 at 8:19 am
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    Petition to make a SpiderHam solo movie where the main antagonist is a horse loose in a hospital

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  • September 8, 2019 at 4:11 pm
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    2:13 took me up to this point to realize he’s talking about trump 😂

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  • September 9, 2019 at 2:05 am
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    That's the horse that's going to kick some Asses out of Washington and give us our country because he always wins the race.

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  • September 9, 2019 at 8:56 pm
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    Love mulaney. Trump 2020

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  • September 11, 2019 at 2:51 am
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    Should have stayed away from regurgitating the collectivist narrative. He has identified himself as an enemy of a former long time fan.

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  • September 11, 2019 at 7:36 am
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    I need more John Mulaney! I love his shows, they cheer me up so much haha

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  • September 11, 2019 at 4:04 pm
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    I'm glad a horse is in the Hospital and not that f….ing witch.

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  • September 11, 2019 at 7:09 pm
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    “I don’t remember that in Hamilton” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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  • September 12, 2019 at 2:57 am
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    I can finally laugh again. I was sick but I cured myself just so I could laugh.

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  • September 13, 2019 at 9:30 pm
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    Trump2020

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  • September 13, 2019 at 10:28 pm
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    political climate: pretty sticky

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  • September 14, 2019 at 1:11 am
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    This man is an absolute legend

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  • September 14, 2019 at 4:44 am
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    ????? He better not be talking about trump

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  • September 14, 2019 at 1:08 pm
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    This guy can take over a room I love it

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  • September 14, 2019 at 4:21 pm
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    THE BABY INCUBATORS OH MY BAHAHHA

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  • September 14, 2019 at 4:52 pm
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    I don't get it

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  • September 15, 2019 at 4:36 am
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    This is what happens when not enough Democrats vote. "Oh, c'mon this'll be a slam dunk for her!"
    Next day: "Whadya mean the Benghazi shooters shot 1/3 of our voter base?"

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  • September 15, 2019 at 5:12 am
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    how’d he make politics interesting

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  • September 15, 2019 at 6:30 am
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    Thanks Netflix Is A Joke.😊

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  • September 16, 2019 at 12:33 pm
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    Best political analogy I have ever herd

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  • September 16, 2019 at 7:07 pm
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    Imagine if the video started at 0:27

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  • September 16, 2019 at 8:12 pm
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    Some people in the hospital will be shocked and or angry if the horse stays in the hospital.
    Just saying 🤣

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  • September 16, 2019 at 8:14 pm
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    I don't remember that in Hamilton.

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  • September 17, 2019 at 4:37 am
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    You’re lucky to have a horse in the hospital. In Canada we have a gender neutral Jackass running all our natural resources into the ground.

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  • September 17, 2019 at 6:11 pm
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    And all of a sudden the horse and the hippo became penpals and everything is ever weirder

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  • September 18, 2019 at 2:16 am
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    John Mulaney is a phenomenal story teller haha.

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  • September 18, 2019 at 6:14 am
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    My favorite and the best piece of comedy to come out of the last decade. God Bless your sly wit and gangly body John Mulaney.

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  • September 19, 2019 at 3:17 am
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    This guy reminds me a lot of pee wee Herman.

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  • September 19, 2019 at 10:22 pm
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    I think. I THINK… he's talking about Donald Trump

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  • September 20, 2019 at 2:31 am
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    Every time I close my eyes while John Mulaney is speaking I either hear Peter Porker or Andrew Glauberman depending on who I focus more on and I have no idea which one makes me more uncomfortable

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  • September 20, 2019 at 9:51 am
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    0:21 holy shit that's a lot of people.

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  • September 20, 2019 at 12:18 pm
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    clicked thinking there would be a Dr. Octagon reference

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  • September 20, 2019 at 3:19 pm
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    So true – well said….

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  • September 20, 2019 at 8:06 pm
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    2:22 – Me everytime BoJack Horseman acts like a self destructive jackass even though it looked like he was finally getting better beforehand.

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  • September 20, 2019 at 9:54 pm
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    OMG he is good xD just discovered him

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  • September 21, 2019 at 2:18 am
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    My mom said he wasn't funny and I'm sad.

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  • September 21, 2019 at 5:40 am
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    I love him so much all of his deliveries are so good and perfectly timed

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  • September 21, 2019 at 8:29 am
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    "I don't remember that in Hamilton"
    Me: hol dup

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  • September 22, 2019 at 1:32 am
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    I was wanting to laugh but it just wasn't funny & I usually like John.

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  • September 22, 2019 at 5:38 am
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    I’m so confused 🤷‍♀️ 🤣

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  • September 22, 2019 at 7:50 am
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    I can so very perfectly see Trump going “Uh! Uh! All I know is business and hitting on my daughter! Quick! Just say something that will piss of another country! That’s what presidents do right? Fire some people! But, make it look like it was for a reason.”

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  • September 23, 2019 at 1:19 am
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    Might be my favorite bit of all time

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  • September 23, 2019 at 9:37 am
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    American politics : simplified 😂

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  • September 23, 2019 at 4:05 pm
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    Do we tell him about Peyo the actual horse that goes from room to room to calm patients down in a hospital in France ?

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  • September 24, 2019 at 12:37 am
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    Now this… this is art

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  • September 24, 2019 at 3:23 am
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    This is some of the best, smoothest, most inventive political comedy I've heard in my life. Mulaney took a sticky topic and actually crafted something out of it instead of just throwing it in like every other comedian on the planet.

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  • September 24, 2019 at 11:33 pm
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    This is funny in two ways – funny because he’s talking about President Trump, and funny because this is exactly what I wanted cultural marxists to experience. They can’t stop talking about him. I love it!

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  • September 25, 2019 at 2:03 am
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    THEYVE FINALLY POSTED THIS ON YOUTUBE

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  • September 25, 2019 at 11:53 am
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    Thats what i thought you'd say you dumb fucking horse

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  • September 25, 2019 at 1:08 pm
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    this analogy is so accurate that he didn’t even have to say who he was talking about

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  • September 25, 2019 at 2:06 pm
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    He just explained American Politics in such a short amount of time.

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  • September 26, 2019 at 10:53 am
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    Why do these metaphors fit so well

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  • September 26, 2019 at 9:20 pm
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    what a story this is all going to be in 50 years

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  • September 27, 2019 at 10:47 pm
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    Good news everyone! The horse catcher might catch the horse after all

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  • September 28, 2019 at 1:32 am
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    He forgot the part where the hospital staff had to make a choice and only had time to close the doors on the horse or on a rabid mountain cougar… some might say it was the lesser of two evils. At least now they don't know for certain what might happen, when if they had let the cougar in all their worries would be gone… very very quickly… and violently.

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  • September 28, 2019 at 2:17 pm
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    Orange man bad. We get it. Not as funny as you think.

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  • September 28, 2019 at 8:28 pm
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    In all fairness, the likable wolf in there before the dumb horse had already unnecessarily intervened in Libya and Syria by now, indirectly responsible for thousands of deaths (remember Benghazi?). So yes, stupid horse, but that horse hasn't done anything close to that bad… yet.

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  • September 30, 2019 at 4:46 am
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    His metaphors are so brilliant

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  • September 30, 2019 at 9:45 pm
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    Gotta be the best stand up bit by John. Excellent. Bloke is a god of comedy writers

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  • October 1, 2019 at 7:12 am
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    I missed the first part where John says ‘this guy being the president’ and proceeded to listen about a horse being loose in the hospital for 4 minutes without context and gosh darn it I was properly confused

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  • October 1, 2019 at 7:25 am
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    this is magic … l laughed so hard

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  • October 1, 2019 at 5:50 pm
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    This applies to at least seven of the last eight presidents.

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  • October 3, 2019 at 9:31 am
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    Funny how that horse keeps getting better health outcomes than that corrupt "doctor" who used to work there…

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  • October 3, 2019 at 1:42 pm
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    brilliant

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  • October 3, 2019 at 7:39 pm
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    Best take on this.

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  • October 3, 2019 at 8:50 pm
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    What's beyond awesome?! That was the cleverest political bit I have ever seen! The guy is a genius.

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  • October 4, 2019 at 1:25 am
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    OMG–the perfect metaphor

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  • October 4, 2019 at 2:00 am
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    My fav!!!

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  • October 4, 2019 at 4:05 pm
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    Love it lol!

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  • October 4, 2019 at 9:13 pm
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    AMAZING 😂😂😂

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  • October 4, 2019 at 10:19 pm
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    I’d say more like a Tasmanian devil loose in a hospital.

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  • October 5, 2019 at 12:31 am
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    Did he just call Korea a lake of mud?
    😅

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  • October 5, 2019 at 12:59 am
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    Horse 2020

    Better than a jackass!

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  • October 5, 2019 at 1:30 am
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    One of the best standup comedians of our generation🙌

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  • October 5, 2019 at 2:54 am
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    Tell me this isn't even more true today only 3 months later he's suggesting that China investigate the Biden's on camera, unbelievable!

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  • October 5, 2019 at 9:11 am
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    FUCKIN HILARIOUS!! John Mulaney is an Amazing Comic. 💕😂

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  • October 5, 2019 at 11:23 am
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    Mulaney is great, so original and genuinely funny. One of the best in the new generation.

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  • October 5, 2019 at 9:50 pm
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    Hi andrew gloubermen

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  • October 6, 2019 at 12:52 am
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    Apt comparison if somehow the horse had made the hospital efficient and profitable.

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  • October 6, 2019 at 12:56 am
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    It wasnt bad for orange man bad NPC humor, even if his comparisons are completely off and dont make any sense when you know the actual events being alluded to.

    But Trump am i right, you all just want your circle jerk truth be damned.

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  • October 6, 2019 at 1:45 am
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    Horse 2020

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  • October 6, 2019 at 1:54 am
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    "I don't remember that in Hamilton…"

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  • October 6, 2019 at 4:21 am
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    As a trump supporter this is really accurate

    Reply

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