Alright, welcome to the universe.
We will start with Tyrion Lannister of physics – The Planck Length Which is the smallest thing you can sensibly talk about. Probably… Next stop – we will lose our subatomic partical virginity and meet our first neutrino. Dont worry, she’s lovely and she has a lots of friends. There are around 65 billion of them passing through just 1 square cm of Earth every second. Up next – we bump into quarks. These come in several flavours: Up, Down, Strange, Charm, Top, Bottom and
Banana These are about as close to the building blocks of nature as we have managed to get so far. Next stop – we get to the A-list celebritites of subatomic world Derek Neutron and Barbara Proton Usually they engage in three ways: With Carmen Electron and a kinky arrangement known as atoms Funny thing about subatomical particles: Sometimes they behave as waves,
other times as particles Depending on how they are feeling and whether or not are they on their period Which brings us to some more celebrities you have heard of Such as Helium, Hydrogen, Carbon and Cesium All of this stuff so far and everything in the universe Is controlled by 4 forces: The Strong Force, which generally binds quarks, protons and neutrons together. Then there’s weak force, which regulates radioactive decay. The electromagnetic force, which holds atoms and molecules together Basically… And finally – gravity. He was the promiscuous hussie of physics and regulates everything else Like universes.
But we’ll get to there later All the stuff is contained in a neat little package called The Standard Model and is about as close to a theory of everything we’ve managed to get so far. Generally, the little stuff comes under a title Quantum Physics And a big stuff, to which we get to in a moment, is known as Relativistic Physics Scientists are working very hard on getting the two of them to move in together But currently they have severe commitment issues A little further up we get to the code of life Deoxyribonucleic acid, also known as DNA (AAA!) DNA is made of a sneeze called ATCG Or Adenine, Thymine, Cytosine, Guanine Depending on how these are arranged You can get anything from Ebola virus to Papyrus, to the German Iris to Miley Cyrus Up some more, we get the cells Some top favourites including Red Blood, White Blood, Dendritic and soft The next level above that should be familiar This is where we find raindrops, Blue Whales, hakisaks, Redtube, the human race as well as Norway Out a little further Now we are looking down on all of human history Including all of our insecurities, morgage repayments and ex-sexual partners Which reminds me Natasha You’re a b*tch! Moving on we get to the eight planets and 146 moons of our Solar system which doesn’t count Pluto Because you are not a planet, Pluto You are done mate!
It’s over! Yeah. Then there’s the Sun, which is a four and a half billion year old burning ball of Hydrogen and Helium Several billion years from now The Sun will rage quit and turn into a red giant Gobbling whatever is left of a planet by then Out again, we find the Milky Way.
The Milky Way contains at least a 100 billion stars Stars can be by themselves, or orbiting each other called a Binary Star System Or occasional group of three, which is called a Trinary/Ternary Or Ménage a Star And that’s not all There’s also Nebulae, which is a little starry womb where a lots of stars are born Moons, which either come from planets or are a random floating matter And comets, meteors and a million other types of astronomical bodies that there simply isn’t time to talk about At the center of our galaxy And lots of other galaxies, are black holes These are enourmous wells of gravity that suck matter in And distort thyme (time) Fun fact: If you’d hold your breath while falling into a black hole You would die, obviously And then there’s the rest of the Universe The Milky Way, our galaxy, is one of a list of hundred billion galaxies Each one prettier than the last Since there are a 100 billion galaxies with at least a 100 billion stars in them That means there are at least
10 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 (do the math) stars In the Universe The Universe itself, as far as we are aware, is about 95 billion lightyears across Or to put it in another way.
If you are travelling with the speed of light 300 000 kilometers per second It would take you 95 000 000 000 years to get from one side to the other Except for the fact that the Universe is expanding And the expansion is getting faster Which literally makes no sense And a… yeah.
That’s… that’s about it really. Oh! Except there might be Parallel universes And hidden dimensions of space And we completely forgot about time The Universe began, if you can call it that, about 14 billion years ago The first few galaxies turned up a few hundred million years later. A few hundred millions after that we get the Milky Way Another few and you’ve got a very young Earth Then oceans Then life a bit later Reptiles Dinosaurs Game over for dinosaurs.
Sorry chaps. Evolution of hominids And finally all of our bullsh*t Here… Or here
Or…. Here, maybe
it’s… It’s kinda hard to tell, because we are so insignificant Anyway Nothing means anything and we all are going to die. Bye then! *Calming classical music playing*