Translator: Mohand Habchi
Reviewer: Queenie Lee Thank you very much. Human beings simultaneously
inhabit two worlds. The first of these worlds
is seen and external. It is the world of our five senses, the world of sights and sounds and all that whistles
and goes bump in the night. This is the world of physics,
where life is somewhat predictable. I often tell my students
that no one breaks the law of gravity for if you try to break
the law of gravity, chances are the law
of gravity will break you. Instead, we find ways through the manipulation
of mechanistic, inexorable natural laws to comply with the laws of gravity so that when we fly in an airplane, we do so with some ease
and arrive at our destination safely. The second of these two worlds
is internal and unseen. It is the world of our thoughts,
our emotions and our feelings. We have a bad habit
of privileging what we see and ignoring what we don’t see. And this habit becomes
especially problematic when we consider the fact
that what is unseen and what is neglected
is often what is most important. For example, if all of the oxygen
were sucked out of this room right now, all of us would see how important it is,
but we do not see oxygen. Tonight, I want to tell you
a story of a man who lived long enough to know that what was unseen and important, that is his inner life, the life of what the Greeks
called the Psyche or the soul, that though so important to him, this life was neglected,
terribly neglected. Neglected by his spouse,
neglected by the larger society, and neglected to such a degree
that it led him on more than one occasion to the point of considering
taking his own life. As you listen to the story of this man, I want you to think very carefully
about the men in your lives. I want you to think about your fathers.
I want you to think about your husbands. I want you to think about your brothers,
your uncles and your nephews. This man begins his life in a household that some might
rightly call hyper-masculine. He grows up, the youngest of seven children in a home with three brothers and three sisters. He affectionately calls himself
the tiebreaker. And growing up in a household
with a father and three brothers was sort of like growing up
with four fathers, and growing up in a household
with a mother and three sisters was sort of like growing up
with four mothers. And this household was,
by today’s standards, I would venture to say,
rather chauvinistic. The men had more important things
to do than cook or clean – after all, the men had
to watch football on Sunday. And as this man’s father saw it,
it was the task of the women to tend to the men and make sure
that they had food to eat while they watched the game. And one of the cardinal rules
in this man’s household was that men were never supposed to cry. Men were never supposed to show emotion. Men were never supposed
to cry or show emotion, because to do so was to demonstrate
to the rest of the world, which, by the way,
was always out to get you, that you were weak somehow. And in a strange sort of way,
this man grew up in a household where he never once saw his father cry. As he grew up and moved
through high school, this hyper-masculine mentality
sort of served him well. He excelled on the football
team in high school and bears the distinction to this day
of being the only male in his family who played on a football team
that actually won a league championship. And through all
of the challenging practices in the hot summer sun
before the season started and through all of the bumps and bruises
of playing football in high school, his father’s advice and the advice
of his brothers served him well: “Ignore how you feel even when it hurts.” On the football field, this works nicely
because it means you’re tough, it means you’re a team player. And so his ethics, his value system of being tough, served him well through his adolescent years,
through college. And then he got married. And when he got married, he carried his ideas of masculinity
with him into the marriage. When he got married, he noticed that his spouse
seemed preoccupied with his physical appearance. And from time to time, she would comment
on how displeasing it was to her. And she would comment
on how unattractive he was to her, in the most intimate of ways. She would remark to him about how other men
who she knew in the past that she never even considered dating,
let alone marrying, were far more attractive than he was. But because he had always been taught
to ignore how he felt, he kept going. And it was just like the bumps and bruises
that you experience on the football field: your leg may hurt, but you keep playing
because you have to take it for the team. You have to be a team player. And so he ignored the way he felt,
and he kept going. And not long into his marriage,
he began to see very clearly that his feelings of inadequacy
and a profound sense of worthlessness began to affect him deeply. And he started to experience
intense bouts of depression. But he was always told
to ignore how he felt. He was always told not to cry,
for the cry would make him less of a man. In fact, he was told men don’t even talk
about things like thoughts or feelings. And this pattern continued
throughout his marriage to the point where every
six months to a year, he could with some accuracy pinpoint the moment in time when he would be confronted
with an episode of rage and hostility about what he looked like
and how unattractive he was to his spouse. He continued and persisted,
always ignoring how he felt. Until one day, the hostility
and anger that confronted him reached crisis proportions as his spouse committed
what some would suggest was the ultimate act of betrayal in withdrawing completely from the physical side of the relationship and unilaterally declaring celibacy until such time as he made himself
more attractive for her. Now his feelings of worthlessness
have reached a boiling point. And now, he begins to reach out for help. And for the first time,
about three years ago, this man in our story begins to run internet searches
about how he’s feeling. He couldn’t talk about it, because his father’s voice
still echoed from his grave: “Men don’t talk about things like that.” And as he typed
in the Google search field “feeling of worthlessness,
sadness, depression,” he came across a definition
of emotional abuse. And the definition of emotional abuse
that he found was “an ongoing process where one person systematically diminishes then destroys the inner life of another.” Remember how we inhabit two worlds, one outer and external and seen,
and the other internal and unseen? He realizes now that he has
a name for how he’s feeling. And then he looks up the symptoms. And chief among the symptoms
of emotional abuse is a fixation of the abuser on some physical characteristic
of the abused. And it says that the fixation may persist,
in the worst cases, for decades. And as he thought about it
and as he reflected on it, he came to understand that her persistent demands for him to lose weight
and change his appearance, to make himself more attractive, bore the hallmark symptom
of emotional abuse. He then came across others,
which were menacing tones and looks, and he realized that recently,
the anger and hostility had been ratcheted up to a level
that he had never seen before. And so now, he sees multiple symptoms
of emotional abuse, and he’s in crisis. So he reaches out. And one of the first places
he reaches out to is his church. And he discovers, quite tragically,
that his church is woefully unprepared to deal with abusive situations in terms of emotional abuse in marriages. Now, for the first time,
he understands what he heard all of the women in his church
say for decades, which was “I’m in an abusive relationship,
and the church can’t help me.” Now, for the first time, this man
who had been taught his entire life to ignore the way he felt,
he understood the plight of women in a way that he had
never understood before. All his church could do was tell him
to “stay married and work it out.” And then, fortunately for him, there was one small church about two and a half hour
south of where he lived that provided him a place
through a small men’s group to share how he was feeling. And he discovered that he was
far from being the only one who experienced what he had
been experiencing for so long. In fact, as he engaged
other men in conversation, he realized that their inner lives
had been disregarded as well. Since then, no less than five or six men
have come up to him and said, “Every time you tell me
what happened to you, I’m thoroughly convinced
that you are telling my story.” He got to a place where he thought
that his only way out, having turned to his church for help, having turned to certain male friends
for help and being disappointed, he got to a place where the only thing
he thought he could do to relieve himself of this pain
was to end his life. And on more than one occasion
hatched a plot to do exactly that. This plot reached crisis proportions
when he came to see that the thoughts of suicide
no longer bothered him but rather gave him peace
because, contrary to popular belief, people who kill themselves are not upset, they actually feel quite calm because they know the next step
will bring them relief. He sought a clinical intervention and was talked off of the proverbial edge. And now, this man
is at a much better place. As this man has talked
about his story with other men, they have, as I said a moment ago,
said to him, “You’re telling my story.” I want to take you back to your fathers, to your husbands, to your uncles, to your brothers and to your nephews. And I have a sense that as I talk
and deliver these words to you tonight, I’m probably telling
some of their stories too. I know the man in our story, quite well. That man is me. I hope that as a result
of something I’ve said tonight, someone, some man, somewhere,
somehow, someway, will cease to suffer in silence because someone has listened in a way that has allowed them
to be touched by the story, not necessarily of themselves, but by the story of the men
or man in your life. The aim of tonight’s talk
is to raise awareness and to bring attention
to what is so often neglected. That is to say to the inner life
of a human being. I’m confident that if we give
the inner life of a human being this sort of attention, that men and women will no longer have to suffer in silence. Thank you. (Applause)

Suffering in Silence: The Emotional Abuse of Men | Dr. Timothy Golden | TEDxWallaWallaUniversity
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100 thoughts on “Suffering in Silence: The Emotional Abuse of Men | Dr. Timothy Golden | TEDxWallaWallaUniversity

  • September 4, 2019 at 9:49 pm
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    that twist at the end though

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  • September 4, 2019 at 10:01 pm
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    is that ice cube

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  • September 5, 2019 at 2:17 am
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    My mother abused us all. I love mothers who are completely different than mine, and fathers too.

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  • September 5, 2019 at 5:12 am
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    You are not machines!
    You are not cattle!
    You are men!
    You have the love of humanity in your hearts!

    Reply
  • September 5, 2019 at 10:54 am
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    Women complain they have to wash the dishes while the men are down in coal mines chocking on toxic fumes, and getting crushed to death. But of course the women does not see this, so cannot care.

    Any women out there want to work my job while I clean the house and cook some food? I'll take you up on the offer it sounds great. In the meantime I am able to do both my job, and keep my own house in order and I have 0 problems because a women ain't 1.

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  • September 5, 2019 at 12:43 pm
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    Men, you are living by the societal rules that your forebearers created. It's up to you to change those rules.

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  • September 5, 2019 at 12:59 pm
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    Just wanna say this guy has an awesome voice, he should be an asmr tist.

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  • September 5, 2019 at 5:09 pm
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    Men are 9 times more likely to commit suicide behind these matters. Men are seen as disposable.

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  • September 5, 2019 at 6:25 pm
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    Life is hard ….for men and women equally….

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  • September 5, 2019 at 7:35 pm
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    I was gonna say if the place you call church can’t help you or understand you about depression or abuse then what are they doing at all? That’s the purpose of it

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  • September 5, 2019 at 9:00 pm
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    I never fit in at mainstream schools, I always was bullied and had a lot of anxiety from a rough childhood, so anyway, I used to go to a school program for teens and young adults with anxiety and depression, there was always more women than guys going there, and it was really hard for me to make friends, I was 15 and 16 at this time. Because of all the women and girls there, there was a very toxic Femininity vibe going on, if some other guys in the school would talk to a girl in a friendly way just to be friendly it was considered as harassment and you would hear girls talking in the background about toxic masculinity, there was so much hypocrisy that women are the victim, and men are the enemy that once when I was at a table I was the only guy there but there was at least 6 other girls at the table who I considered as somewhat friends including a teacher who was present at the table. They were openly discussing how “the world would be better without men” and other very sexist remarks like that, they were definitely targeting me in some form, I just kept quiet, I had nothing to say. I felt worthless, like I was the problem in the world even though I was the nicest most genuine guy I could be, keep in mind that this is a school program for people with anxiety and other mental health issues. The school was very politically correct and probably had a lot of feminists and weirdos like that. I’ve always grown up differently and am very intellectual and felt very alienated by all the pride flags and diversity stuff. I always dressed well, made sure I was looking my best and confident, but that day that these girls were openly and loudly talking about how much they hated men really crushed me as a man, and I had no one to tell or talk about it, I just had to push on. But I still took it to heart, I’ve never felt so horrible being unable to tell anyone. That experience has left me with a deep hole in my soul, the feeling that I’ll never be good enough no matter how much I try to be myself. At that point in my life I was the closest I had ever been to suicide. After that I never went back, and am now at another school where it’s much more suited to each individual and not the majority.

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  • September 5, 2019 at 9:36 pm
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    Thank you for this presentation, Ice Cube.

    Reply
  • September 5, 2019 at 10:16 pm
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    I want to share this but…

    Reply
  • September 5, 2019 at 11:56 pm
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    What’s with the audio quality

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  • September 6, 2019 at 12:04 am
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    This is so real, very brave to willingly be so vulnerable

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  • September 6, 2019 at 1:45 am
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    My wife has actually told me that me feeling sad is making her feel guilty and I should stop it. We're separated now.

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  • September 6, 2019 at 6:57 am
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    I have not read the comments yet. But I'm wondering if anyone else noticed that there were very few people applauding at the end of his talk. Maybe I'm just hearing stuff but it seems like of the dozens TED Talks I've listened to that this one hands down had the least amount of applause I've ever heard from one of these talks.Did anyone else notice this or am I alone?

    Reply
  • September 6, 2019 at 12:25 pm
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    I recently (less than a month ago) left my relationship with my ex fiancé.
    I had a wake up call. I felt like she was using me for an ATM, never cared too much about me. I could count on one hand how many times she’s checked up on me, whereas I, bent over backwards for her.
    She always told me i took the “easy way” in a career because i went to do auto body collision instead of going to a 4 year university and getting a college degree like herself.
    She said i let myself go after i moved 500 miles away from my family, to be with her.
    I left her now, i feel alone. But I no longer feel abused or neglected.

    Reply
  • September 6, 2019 at 12:34 pm
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    Waddup uncle phil

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  • September 6, 2019 at 4:23 pm
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    Wow, I had no idea Ice-T was this eloquent!

    Reply
  • September 6, 2019 at 7:52 pm
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    I’ve been abused, but according to my abusers, I haven’t — never forget that.

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  • September 6, 2019 at 10:41 pm
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    I kinda wanna wipe the sweat

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  • September 7, 2019 at 1:50 am
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    I clicked ont his video because I thought he was Ice cube

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  • September 7, 2019 at 2:59 am
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    BETA MALE!

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  • September 7, 2019 at 6:58 am
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    Boost the audio, got my speakers maxed out to hear this guy

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  • September 7, 2019 at 9:04 am
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    ting tang Walla Walla bing bang

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  • September 7, 2019 at 10:53 am
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    Yep. Just yep.
    (No "weak" emotion or to many "weak" thoughts on the mater )
    🙂

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  • September 7, 2019 at 11:18 am
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    In soviet russia. Law breaks you!

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  • September 8, 2019 at 12:12 am
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    Very few people today give a damn about mens issues. Except the men who experience pain, with no one to share it with or even cares to listen.

    Reply
  • September 8, 2019 at 4:55 am
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    this man is sweaty

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  • September 8, 2019 at 5:00 am
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    KERMIT THE FROG

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  • September 8, 2019 at 2:53 pm
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    Powerful.

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  • September 8, 2019 at 5:22 pm
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    To any person who may read this: I may not understand how you personally feel, nor will I bring up my personal struggles, all I want to say is that even though I am not the one who feels your pain, since I am not you, I understand it, as much as I am empatheticaly capable, I understand you. Please read:
    1) I know that you might be in a place where some voices in your head are telling you that how you are feeling may be solved by doing something, or by acquiring something (a new place, a job etc.)
    It wont.
    2) You might be thinking that how you are feeling is going to go away, only if you ignore it enough, or think of something else instead.
    It wont.
    3) Those days when you wake up with terror, and in the waking moment, when your mind rushes negative things all at once, you might think that it is only because it is morning, and you just need to wake up to solve this problem.
    It wont.
    4) When you are approaching night hours and start to feel that emotional pressure in your chest, and depressive thoughts enter your mind, and you start to dread, you start to think that you are simply tired, and sleep will solve this.
    It wont.
    5) When you finally begin to feel like the world is spinning around you, and the thoughts from the depth of your mind move to the tip of your tongue, where in almost every conversation you feel like screaming I AM SUFFERING, you you remain quiet and simply nod, because you are afraid that your friends will shy away from you, or think of you as a weak person.
    They will not, or if they do, they are not your friends.
    6) When it comes to the point where life spins too far out of control, and every little mistake you make, at work or even while working on your hobby, makes you think how worthless you are.
    Hear me please, you are not worthless, you are suffering from a depression.
    7) When thoughts of worthlessness no longer leave you, and become your most intimate companion, when it comes to the point when in the back of your mind, you are starting to agree with those thoughts, and are planning to end it all.
    Hear me please, call professionals ASAP!
    8) When it comes to the point where you are feeling a sense of relieve at the thought of ending it all.
    Call Suicide Hotline Immediately, just search it on any web browser, you will find it in your country.
    Finally, trust me when I say this, you are not weak when you are talking about your feelings with professionals, you are extremely strong and here is why; when you finally gather enough strength to talk about your feelings, you are fighting yourself that is telling you not to, you are fighting your internal fathers or mothers who taught you to hide it, and you finally beat them all when you talk. You overcome the hardest opponents; yourself and authority figures who taught you not to talk, and that takes strength a lot of strength!!!
    Someone will love you, when you find the strength to have compassion and care for yourself.

    Reply
  • September 8, 2019 at 7:22 pm
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    ❤️ heart felt and shared

    Reply
  • September 9, 2019 at 1:26 am
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    How many times have I seen a woman choose a guy who would slap them around over a guy would treat them fair or on equal terms? Too many times! But when a woman finally choose the nice guy, The dude gets abused and Cheated on!

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  • September 9, 2019 at 5:46 am
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    Ice cube

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  • September 10, 2019 at 9:22 pm
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    Yeah like no man has ever told a woman to lose weight 🙄🤣🤣🤣

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  • September 10, 2019 at 10:58 pm
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    "The next step will bring them relief"… So true.

    Reply
  • September 11, 2019 at 2:09 pm
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    Powerful, so well told and done.

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  • September 11, 2019 at 8:35 pm
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    Denying your emotions makes you weaker not stronger. Crying helps you cope and move forward. Holding in your emotions in makes you vulnerable to many illnesses like cancer, heart disease and diabetes. You got to get the toxins out.

    Reply
  • September 12, 2019 at 6:38 am
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    This hits on an important topic. Men's rights and women's rights are not at odds with each other (even if the Men's Rights movement tends to attract some bad actors). They complement each other. Men who feel like they can't show emotion can't empathize with men or women who do. Men who feel like they'll be listened to are able to empathize with others.

    Reply
  • September 12, 2019 at 4:29 pm
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    He looks like a fusion between Ice Cube and DJ Khaled

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  • September 13, 2019 at 1:00 am
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    Omg he sounds like Kermit the frog

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  • September 13, 2019 at 2:05 am
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    dj khaled !

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  • September 13, 2019 at 5:27 am
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    Good content but this guy needs to practice public speaking.

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  • September 13, 2019 at 5:35 pm
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    Ever heard somebody saying: Woman up.
    No?
    There is only: "Man up". Which means: "Shut up. Don't talk about your problems."

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  • September 14, 2019 at 3:00 am
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    beautiful video ! thank you for this, really helped.

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  • September 14, 2019 at 7:43 am
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    people: do you know is the man?
    Dr. Golden: Well of course I know him. He's me.

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  • September 14, 2019 at 3:36 pm
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    This hit home…

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  • September 14, 2019 at 9:07 pm
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    The whole weight thing misses the mark for me. If losing weight would make your wife happy then why not do it. Ive always belived love comes with sacrifice.

    Reply
  • September 15, 2019 at 5:36 am
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    My daughter thinks I hate women but I don't I'm just pro men. This is crazy town we live in. Our men are emotional starved that's why so much depression we used to need each other as men and women. Now we are all sick and brainwashed. While being unhappy ask why we are all so upset and unsatisfied because nature is out of balance. We completed each other now we are broke apart.

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  • September 15, 2019 at 7:43 am
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    Well I mean) he needs to lose some weight, we don’t know the other side of this story. My e she tried very hard to help him

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  • September 15, 2019 at 3:24 pm
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    Duuuuude, I need to go call my estranged dad and apologize to him right now! His mom was more emotionally abusive to him than my mother was, but she wasn't perfect either. This is probably why he never talks about his feelings. In a sad-funny sort of way, it's totally safe for me to leave him a heartfelt voicemail, say I'm so sorry, tell him I love him, and he'll just never bring it up IRL. Cuz he just can't talk about feelings since he never learned how.

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  • September 16, 2019 at 1:43 am
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    Spot on. I too have suffered in silence. If it wasn't for the grace, mercy, and love Jesus has shown me when nobody else does…I'm not sure where I would be.

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  • September 16, 2019 at 3:32 am
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    Iv always joked to myself if you want to get rid of a girl open up about your emotions and tell her you love her. The truth is women and men have been conditioned to ultimately not to get along with each other. Women have been conditioned a lot more as they ultimately create men. Men have been neglected. It’s the self era I truly feel sorry for the generation coming into life it’s going to be a nightmare but the true nightmare is when technology bridges the differences. Media and technology are powerful tools in shaping our minds. Ones rights is raised and the others minimised it explains male suicide rate becoming higher and higher. Men can’t be strong without women take away real women and you have the current situation we are in.

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  • September 16, 2019 at 4:31 am
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    BRAVO!

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  • September 16, 2019 at 5:30 am
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    I love this guy’s voice

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  • September 16, 2019 at 5:57 am
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    nietzsche says that thoughts of suicide gets us through many a terrible night.

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  • September 16, 2019 at 10:05 am
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    So in other words: good guy got himself a spoiled feminazi who ruined his life, yeah you're not alone in this

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  • September 17, 2019 at 2:53 pm
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    I was in that spot not so long ago… Until I Red Pilled, and dug myself out of that hole. All because my lady neglected me.. Not worth letting someone have control over you like that men, rise up… stay strong and in your masculine frame!!!

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  • September 17, 2019 at 8:28 pm
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    Well done bro.

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  • September 17, 2019 at 9:57 pm
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    You niggas are different, y’all actually head the word of these hoes? Couldn’t be me 🤗

    Reply
  • September 18, 2019 at 7:58 am
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    This hit me harder than I was expecting. Almost a step by step timeline of my own and many other men I know in todays' time…

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  • September 18, 2019 at 9:55 am
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    We don't have 5 senses…

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  • September 18, 2019 at 2:24 pm
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    He literally described my life

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  • September 18, 2019 at 5:17 pm
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    Protect this man at all costs.

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  • September 18, 2019 at 5:42 pm
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    I am trapped in a marriage in that very situation only with my wife its any argument at all means one month of not talking to each other along with a year of no physical contact of any kind. Not even a hand on her shoulder. It does not matter if a month later she sees she was being unreasonable. She might apologize for it, but the year of no physical contact stays. As of the time I am writing this, I have not touched my wife in over two years.

    Reply
  • September 18, 2019 at 7:48 pm
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    This guy sounds like Kermit the Frog crossed with Chubby Checker. Anyone else think so?

    Reply
  • September 19, 2019 at 11:17 am
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    Is it some kind of ironic choice or why is this video so fukn quiet?!

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  • September 19, 2019 at 11:45 pm
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    he looks like ice cube

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  • September 20, 2019 at 7:17 am
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    Thank you for your story

    Reply
  • September 21, 2019 at 4:19 am
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    Courageous

    Reply
  • September 21, 2019 at 1:52 pm
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    THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY.

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  • September 23, 2019 at 8:45 pm
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    You’re gorgeously beautiful omg

    Reply
  • September 25, 2019 at 6:15 am
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    How do I overcome emotional abuses from my ex-wives with the help of a family court

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  • September 25, 2019 at 11:19 pm
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    damn what’s up ice cube

    Reply
  • September 26, 2019 at 6:10 am
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    This speaker would be so much more effective if he didn't stress so many words and just got on with it.

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  • September 26, 2019 at 2:36 pm
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    Guys, please stop!
    please please stop woman hateing in the comments here. that obviously isn't what this talk is about and if you actually listen to his story he at no point condemns woman he only condemns the actions of an abusive spouse. I have experienced emotional abuse from a woman. I know how hard that situation is to navigate as a man. you feel trapped because it feels like if you speak out you won't be listened to or worse be seen as the aggressor, especially by women. I can tell you that isn't true. if it wasn't for the love and kindness I have gotten from my beautiful girlfriend and amazing female friend I would still experience the same deep depression I use to, but now I am genuinely so so happy. I can honestly say one of my female friends saved my life and I see her as a sister. I will never forget us both crying with happiness on the phone after I had my first happy day after months of constant darkness. most women want to help you and be there for you. Saying stuff like "women just use what you say against you" isn't doing anything but isolating you from some of the most amazing people you will ever have in your life.

    Reply
  • September 26, 2019 at 2:58 pm
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    Not all cases of abuse can be taken into a courtroom, before a judge and jury and a person jailed for the horrible things they did to another. It's so wrong.
    There is no excuse for abuse, no ifs, no buts, nothing. There is no excuse for abuse.
    Some abuse shows on the outside of a person. Psychological/ emotional abuse shows only on the inside. The scars abuse victims carry are very similar, because they don't fade. Like all victims there are situations in life (post abuse) that trigger flashbacks, words that are spoken, memories, etc., just because the victim isn't in the situation anymore doesn't mean it's not painful. Their journey to recovery is a lonely and painful one; support networks are so crucial. Victims tend not to speak up or get help, some tell them they should "quit being so sensitive". The wounds inflicted by another are deep and recovery is a long journey. It's so important to speak about, yet so many don't understand, don't recognise and don't know how to support or get help. In today's times, it is just unacceptable.

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  • September 26, 2019 at 6:44 pm
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    Man up and deal with it they say but tbh they would be the one not knowing what to do if they ever felt the pain of true depression.

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  • September 26, 2019 at 6:45 pm
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    it isnt about your skin color either men are men

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  • September 27, 2019 at 8:26 pm
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    And I thought I spoke slowly..

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  • September 28, 2019 at 6:56 am
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    Never open yourself up to a woman. They don't want to hear it. If they do hear it they will use it against you. Keep your own counsel and don't take things to heart. Women want strength in a man. They don't care what you feel except in relation to your feelings about them. Be strong and keep it to yourself because nobody cares.

    In this talk it wasn't about his appearance it is simply the nature of women. They will always find something to complain about. My mother told me that when I first got married. She told me dont take it to heart because its largely simply an attention seeking mechanism. It gets them attention from their spouse and when he reacts if affirms her and reassures her of the security of the relationship.

    I have been happily married for 40 yrs. I learned that when she starts complaining or being critical and abusive that she is really looking for attention and affirmation. Women never directly say what they want.

    You need to read them like the sounds of an engine, or like tracking deer or reading the movements of a bobber on a fishing line.

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  • September 28, 2019 at 7:14 pm
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    Tim Golden I truly hope that you continue sharing this powerful and important message. Thank you for sharing your story. So many men and especially boys are hurting. I hope they can hear your message.

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  • September 28, 2019 at 8:34 pm
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    Here's one way you can help: When one of your Facebook friends posts a joke in which a woman abuses her husband, simply comment, "Domestic violence is not funny." It's a small start.

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  • September 28, 2019 at 10:41 pm
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    NEVER EVER show your emotions or soft side to a woman, EVER………

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  • September 29, 2019 at 8:36 pm
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    oh, talking about self in third person, trying to distance himself from the wounds…

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  • September 29, 2019 at 11:40 pm
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    Everything this brother's saying is true.

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  • September 29, 2019 at 11:48 pm
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    Beautiful speech

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  • September 30, 2019 at 2:56 am
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    Thank you. So much.

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  • September 30, 2019 at 2:58 am
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    I could listen to this man speak all day.

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  • September 30, 2019 at 7:50 am
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    This is…familiar.

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  • September 30, 2019 at 11:07 am
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    Equal rights equal fights!

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  • October 1, 2019 at 11:41 am
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    Some things become clear.
    Thank you Timothy Golden for your brave speach.

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  • October 2, 2019 at 12:58 am
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    One word….MGTOW!

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  • October 2, 2019 at 2:15 pm
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    (Girl gets a tiny cut on her finger) "oh you poor dear. Can I help?" (man gets his legs blown off by a grenade during combat) "stop crying about it and man up"

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  • October 3, 2019 at 6:28 am
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    Dude's so nervous his forehead is melting. got to respect him still getting on that stage though

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  • October 3, 2019 at 7:01 am
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    Why not just lose the weight? Being obese is self-abuse and is not healthy. I've been putting in the effort to get my weight down for over a year, and it's working because I'm determined to make it work. It IS doable! Your partner does deserve an attractive and healthy partner. You deserve to be as attractive and healthy as you can be. Make yourself worthy and others will have a harder time diminishing your worth!

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  • October 3, 2019 at 12:00 pm
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    Dude 😪

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  • October 4, 2019 at 4:25 am
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    My first wife beat me down then dumped me. My second wife could not pull the same game on me. When she tried I'de flat out tell her if you are unhappy with me maybe you should go find someone you like better. I meant it too. I never had any trouble after that. Just because you love someone does not mean you have to take abuse like that.

    Reply

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