make no mistake of all leading cigarettes one and only one is recognized by eminence nose and throat specialists as definitely less irritating that one cigarette is Philip Morris Johnny presents the nezam barrel show here comes Johnny ladies and gentlemen to remind you if every smokin hot Philip our smokers know they'd all change to Philip hours yes they'd all [Applause] [Applause] really in New York here is the Milton Berle show prefer chosen jack albertson Charlie Gibson barely Billy Sam's out hello I think he started if Ronnie ray block in his Hawker sir and yours truly Frank Keller ladies and gentlemen great at living tonight we salute winter sports yes the tempting sight of the recent snow makes you want to rush madly out of the house we now bring you a comedian whose program does the same thing to you and here he is if you'll pardon the expression the Rosenberg [Applause] oddly expresses thank you very much and good evening ladies and gentlemen I'm misty Gallup those winter sports skating skiing tobogganing and now in New York City we have a new sport digging for your car young guy show me a beautiful car this week a white Cadillac it was a beauty till the Sun came out melted it down to a green Chevy everything is melting I'm they call me Melton burro I am forgive me everything is melting no kidding it everything is gone away I saw Martha Graham walking on Fifth Avenue this week she's known as Miss slush what a week well the snow is old news we've had a sleet storm and flood since then hold that flood mr. Gela Gallup group know that the flood the whole seventh Avenue subway was flooded the only thing that kept running was the Bronx Express no people in it just salmon going uptown to spawn oh what a week on top of everything else there was a fuel oil shortage some apartments got so cold landlords were allowing veterans to move in my writers should move out but sakes sakes alive mr. Gallup Here I am running off at the mouth again ain't it the truth and if the did I hit did you say ain't well after a year on this program with you I'm lucky I can still speak English mr. Gallow the gallop I have never seen you so animated what did you get for Christmas blood but enough of this hilarious nothing do the way I so let nothing arrow th ing we're discussing winter sports tonight isn't how jolly I must tell you of the winter activities of my club the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Lucy Munro society a prevention of cruelty to Lucy Morocco that jazz really jazzy know this club what do you do buy our first yeah first one at first we went to bargaining taboc oh yeah I hate I hate toboggan II don't come on yeah I mean I hate it you squeezed in too much the guy behind has to put his legs around you well that's true however this year I was quite comfortable you are yes the man behind me was a cello player I get it but I don't want it you mad mad creature hoarders just just too gay lots of fun in the evening we all pile onto a sleigh Aundre Thrones cracked apart and away we went racing over the snow with lily pond singing the Belle song come not me and Lily did a most remarkable job remarkable lily ponds has sung the Belle song many times while pulling a slave mister gallop you slay me there's no joke no laughs tough sledding tonight so on on with the program as we salute winter sports winter sports leaving in popularity among winter sports his skiing skiing is popular because it's so simple there are just three easy steps to skiing learning how to put on your skis learn how to get down the high slide and learning how to walk again so 1947 was a great year for sports the biggest sport of the year was and still is Johnny Meyers I'll tell you when ladies and gentlemen in colors we have a wonderful audience here tonight that's without my mother – thanks Alan in just a few oh my ad-libs aren't worth the paper they're written on in just a few weeks the Winter Olympic Games will start in Switzerland and it is an honor to have with us tonight the coach of the United States Winter Olympic team who in a few days will sail for Switzerland with the team and here he is coach Doc Finster mr. Finster I feel thank you a coach Fenster how do you think your team will do in the Winter Olympics mr. Vail I have every confidence that my boy will Griffin green the entire at the time of a slave in a comic book sorry not only will the other words back I'm in the salad page because I know it's agreed but they are the only ones who have a broad a say and a veritable quiet I swear I won't Benedict London well coach I understand that be that you haven't forced a very rigid training schedule on your team absolutely no member of my team is permitted to give us are they cannot trust a lot and they must never nivel side and above all they can loose a lot I didn't slip under step Danny they take bousillage even trip out of self Duffy they'll go nuts I I imagine coach offensive that you're all looking forward to your boat trip to Switzerland yes we were planning a two-day stopover on the romantic island of smellman they are having a terrible epidemic of kratom Stein five the sky five that sounds awful waffle there isn't that novel left on the island coachman for our team goes into action what will be your last words to them I'll say yes boys go in there and show them what you're made of come by spell what are your smeller stacked lace up your felonies I just get into hope they go out there and slim remember I played in the hand it's like two addition of a grain I remember the ways of that great athlete hey big license s who said who play the game play square alright anybody that would like that speech should have their head examined mr. Gallup the real winter sports were the sports of our youthful days when on those crisp winter evenings we sat in front of the fireplace with that one and only girl and found Oh whoever I did right above the fire is so delightful then three nights ago let us know let us know let us know you are you playing with your elbows ah Cynthia precious memories of Cynthia remember Cynthia what fun we had in the snow I'd be rolling snow balls to make a snowman you'll be rolling drunks to make a buck Cynthia my outdoor girl that winter air used to put apples in your cheeks and every time I pinched your cheek I'd get a handful of cider I get a handful of cider good audience bad joke charming Cynthia remember that day that you came in exhausted out of the snow how you scream when I began pulling off your snow shoes I didn't know they were your feet you're frozen stiff and I cost brandy down your throat and you got stiffer in winter wonderland with Cynthia remember Cynthia how we go coasting down the hill together how slow we went we went much faster after you waxed your stomach good belly laugh I'll always remember I always remember the last time I saw you Cynthia it was the day mayor O'Dwyer ordered them to clean up the city and you were the first thing they pushed down the sewer so until you show up in the corn Alice's Canal I'll keep singing let it know Oh from New York to California Cianna to Oregon from City after City all over the country eminent slows and throat specialists make this report listen we are convinced Philip Morris is definitely less irritating than any other leading cigarette that's why in cases of irritation due to smoking we suggest change to Philip Morris yes that's professional advice and good advice to every man a woman who smokes change to Philip Morris because the cigarette that gives you the least irritation is the cigarette that gives you the most enjoyment and after all its pleasure deep rich pleasure that counts in smoking and the full measure of smoking pleasure is yours to enjoy day in day out in Philip Morris that's why we say if every smoking you what Philip Morris smokers no they'd all change to Philip Morris America's finest cigarette hahaha lovely lovely what you played of it mr. block thank you that was the skate as walls played by ray block and his famous Blockheads and Ray may I say they have a better idea you were never worse that's the joke never and now as we continue our salute to winter sports we present winter sports autumn tonight winter sports all on tonight the question where is there more winter activity at Lake Placid or in the Paramount balcony Thank You mr. Gallup thank you now let us start with questions from our audience all right let's start with this gentleman in the third row with his head in the mandolin yes sir mr. Brell we want you to take part in our with the sports carnival we want you to be a leader a leader yes there'll be five dogs in the sled behind you thank you very much but let us go on all right this young man in the aisle printing money young man step up or you on your knees no I'm sorry hmmm what is your name my name is Kansas City kitty tent city kitty you were born in Kansas City no I was born in Georgia then why don't they call you Sweet Georgia Brown are you kidding that's a girl's name I see yeah where did the kitty come from my mother was a sigh a nice oh yeah how many people mistook me for a girl I had to take a middle name what's your middle name Mexicali rose alright next you uh you have a question concerning winter sports would you mind repeating the question please I said nevermind I'm not going to answer it anyway you say last answer vital on my lawyer said so well you can't get rest by yourself why should I be a stooge for you let's go couldn't get a laugh at your ph-balanced ever again no way ain't gonna live if you put on a laid-back marketing your nose and read all ababil shows if you go and get a smile out of an audience full of laughing hyenas that would be plenty yes please young mothers galoshes hey let us try and keep order let's hear from the women in the audience all right this lady in the aisle Xing her undies with oxydol what is what is your name madam rapini I'm a homemaker and I say and you have a question that has to do with winter squash yeah why is my husband so nuts about skatin he spends all his time with a Scarsdale skiing skating and stunt hunting club the champion skater fancy figure guy the fat slob no I mean I mean is he a fancy skater fancy you should see him through a coach dance on skates is he good it's a nice sling son nice yes I understand he's always doing tricks on skates once he started to spin in a cycle and he couldn't stop for help he screwed himself into the ice up to his neck for that boy about the jokes alright then well we'll be okay yes I believe another kid wait a minute hi line-by-line w Burrell say that before that's terrible what's his best trick on stage you know be funny if this is an audition and we don't know it watch this best pic on skates you can do a figure eight the hard way the hard way angel toy I get it him in those skates even welcome to bed it's terrible when he sticks those cold blades against my back it must be like sleeping next to a good humor truck that's good you should see the quality was when he goes skating five pair of pants for woolen shirts eight sweaters and on top of all that he was a long winter Union so the Union suit oh how can your husband move are you kiddin with a good stiff free hitting up the clap he can get up to 50 miles an hour [Applause] there will be a rehearsal in the basement if pipes keep out now let's hear from an expert with us tonight is none other than the world's champion ski jumper 240 pounds of greased lightning and driving power big spin Heather field ladies and gentlemen mr. Peller field Thank You mr. Barrow [Applause] this is indeed girls to my many and hide midnight me jump up north and land in many scattered touch tell us mr. feather field Cuse me mr. barrel do you mind if I sit down I'm pooped you're tired am i way here I picked up a peanut off the sidewalk I think I strained myself mr. feather feel of peanut isn't heavy but this one was fathered well that's different mr. feather feel the sports world was very shocked to find that you were not eligible for the Winter Olympic Games how come it was a terrible mistake mr. brown when the Olympic officials interviewed me they asked are you a pro I answered yes you said yes I thought they've had Schmoe mr. feller veal has always been something so romantic about winter sports how about that yes hold on it was at a ski jump that I met my wife you met your wife at a ski jump yeah I leaped high in the air and there she was beside me she was on skis she was on a broom oh I say and she's been mopping me up ever since there's the feather field you mean to say that your wife mistreats you mr. barrel when my wife flatten me last night I had it coming mr. feather feed you were bad again what happened well last night yes oh I shouldn't be telling you oh come on what happened last night she caught me in the pantry with a cookie so terrible about that this cookie was 18 years old [Applause] as I unseen star dick Bonnie singing the best things in life are free Oh they lie whoever you the flowers in stru the standings at shines are yours they're mine the day longs to the best things in life Harvard wrong they bring their for you the sandwiches are yours are mine can come to every the best things in life are free music and repot you know I kid you a lot every week but you are casted tonight sounds swell the boys they seem so relaxed as though someone just told him that Petrillo knows what he's doing Petrillo there's a powerful guy you think not even the new Yahoo storm had to make its record before December 31st and tonight incidently tonight in discussing winter sports I must tell you what happened last winter mr. mrs. Gallup invited my wife and me to spend a weekend at their winter Lodge in Maine and we all drove up there passing through the snow in my several a coupe a notch were you're driving you're in Maine I was looking out the window I can't tell if those lumps in the snow of Burma Shave signs or Republicans waiting in line to vote are we almost there mr. Gallup yes you turn left at the next vote for Outland ensign gosh I I stay get over it you asking me Milton Berle nothing to spend a weekend with you the social gallops mrs. Gallup I really appreciate it I said I really appreciate it mrs. Gallin come dear you can sit up now we're miles from Park Avenue none of our friends could possibly see us see mrs. Gallup I hope after this we see a lot of each other why I mean after this weekend we're going to be great friends you better close the window friends I may owe myself out you know mrs. Gallup we get back to New York I want you to meet my friends oh goodie it's been years since I've been a nightcore nightcore yes watch me you're driving you're driving what are you driving dad nag nag Dexter you think I never drove a car before quick somebody call a smiling Irishman what happened oh I meant to tell you this is the end of the road the end of the road yes that was the Englanders and their sense of humor they continued the white line right up the clip where's your Lodge mr. Gallow it's right over there I'll get the shovels you will have a jolly time clearing off the driveway thank y'all up you're not going to wheel the shovel like a common laborer oh you you shouldn't of course someone has to clean off the driveway yeah someone have to clean off the driveway yes I might have to yeah someone why is everybody looking at me boss mr. Bell if you don't want to know oh no mrs. cow at sylia I'd love to do it I I insist I'll get you a shovel don't bother I'll just dig it out with my hands and what I can't reach I'll lap up with my tongue this was gonna be a resto Oh mr. Gallup that was an amusing story too bad Newton isn't here to steal it well I do stay he's been gone six hours doing that driveway there he is what I thought was the start of the driveway turned out to be highway 62 my back I'm frozen in a minute we'll have a rolling fire in the fireplace a roaring fire just as soon as someone goes out and shot the wood I'll go thank y'all if you're not going to exhaust yourself oh come on has to chop the wood someone has to chop the wood someone has where's the X I'll show you this way what is the great restaurant heaven here's the Oxbow I'll chop down this little tree here little the last time I saw a tree like that there was a tunnel through it for cars now you go right ahead and I'll carry this twig in for kindling cheerio cheerio where's that axe all right he goes oh hold on my life my life my life it's all hey help nothing shame on your making mr. Gallup carry in that twig my life gal got a sliver in his finger love thang I insist on calling the doctor oh really it's nothing look mr. Gallup brave yeah Oh Clank that foolish pride of yours standing there with a sliver in your hands up oh yeah you're tracking blood in the house Oh mr. Gallup it's nothing it's nothing oh it's just a scratch I'll pick out the fragments and throw them away look at my right foot I think I chopped three toes off good now you'll have five like everybody else please no Kenneth I'm weak I'm weaker I need food yes food someone will have to walk six miles to town and die Charlotte Oh doh thank y'all if I don't want you to go down that lonely mountain road at this time of night why not oh whoa yes but they won't attack you unless they're hungry that one doesn't sound like he just finished eating at Lindy's does he well someone has to go for food yeah someone has to go for food will Jen yep I'll hop on one leg just open the door and give me a shove coming mother ha champagne with a vote thank you I don't understand Milton was only getting frankfurters and beans and he's been gone two hours heavens here comes someone staggering through the snow open the door I made this here's the food what happened those wolves it was a nightmare look at me those wolf fights I can understand but look at that arrow in my back oh my legs I can't walk yeah well grab any savings lay him down here Oh No get bandages oh don't worry no we're going to take you out yes go go do everything gee gee mrs. Gallup you're all so wonderful so so friendly you're not the only thing that counts now is to get you up on your feet it is yes you forgot the mustard someone has to go back to town thank you very much I'll be back in a jiffy in the meantime remember this price is sure of twice the pleasure when you smoke Phillip Morris and here's why first you enjoy the pleasure of smoking the world's finest premium tobacco's mellow and mild and superbly blended and second you enjoy the extra pleasure of smoking the one the only leading cigarette recognized by eminent nose and throat specialists as definitely less irritating yes you're twice as sure of twice the pleasure when you smoked Phillip Morris so next time you call for cigarettes call for Phillip Morris made in America by Americans to please American tastes thank you very much does your girlfriend know saying good night we're little Nate late good night ladies and gentlemen I'll be waiting for you yes if every total you what Philip Morris motors no they'd all changed to Philip Morris America's finest you

Milton Berle 490112 Salute to Winter Sports, Old Time Radio
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