make no mistake of our leading cigarettes one and only one is recognized by eminence nose and throat specialists has definitely less irritated that one cigarette is Philip Morris Johnny presents the Milton Berle show comes Johnny ladies and gentlemen to remind you every smoking you have Philip – Marcus now or they'd all change to tell her parents yeah [Applause] four thousand Jack Alderson Charlie Gibson every ship Billy Sam's out hello I think Barney Frank gala ladies and gentlemen the great athletic tonight we salute with a sports yes the top teams title the recent snow makes you want to rush Natalie out of the house we now bring you a comedian whose program does the same thing Goyo here he is if you'll pardon the expression thank you very much and good evening ladies and gentlemen our mr. Gallup those winter sports skating skiing tobogganing and now in new york city we have a new spot digging for your car some guy sold me a beautiful car this week a white Cadillac with the beauty till the Sun came out melted it down to a green Chevy only thing is melting I'm they call me Milton Berle no kidding everything is gone away I saw Martha Graham walking on Fifth Avenue this week she's known as Miss flush what a week there are the snow is old news we've had a sleet storm and flood since then all that flood mr. Gela know the whole seventh Avenue subway was flooded the only thing that kept running was the Bronx Express no people in it just salmon going uptown to spawn oh what a week on top of everything else there was a fuel oil shortage some apartments got so cold landlords were allowing veterans to move in my writers should move out but state sakes alive mr. Gallup Here I am running off at the mouth again hated the truth now and if did I hit did you say ain't though after a year on this program with you I'm lucky I can still speak English the Gallup I have never seen you so animated what did you get for Christmas blood HIGHlarious nothing see the way I saw that nothing L th ing we're discussing winter sports tonight how jolly I must tell you of the winter activities of my club the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Lucy Munro society of prevention of cruelty to Lucy morrow what do you do we went to bargaining come on hey I hate tobogganing don't you I mean I hate it you squeezed in too much the guy behind has to put his legs around you well that's true however this year I was quite comfortable you are yes the man behind me was a cello player yeah I get it but I don't want it you mad mad creature holders just just to gave lots of fun in the evening we all pile or display on the Castellanos tractor fret and away we went racing over the snow with lily pond singing the Belle song from knocked me and Lily did a most remarkable job remarkable lily ponds has sung the bell song many times while pulling a slave to gallop you slay me no joke last tough sledding tonight so on I'm with the program as we salute winter sports winter sports leading in popularity among winter sports there's skiing skiing is popular because it's so simple there are just three easy steps to skiing learning how to put on your skis learning how to go down the high slide and learning how to walk again so 1947 was a great year for sports the biggest sport of the year was and still is Johnny Meyers I'll tell you when ladies and gentlemen in color we have a wonderful audience do tonight that's without my mother – ladies and gentlemen in just a few oh my god lives aren't worth the paper they're written on in just a few weeks the Winter Olympic Games will start in Switzerland and it is an honor to have with us tonight the coach of the United States Winter Olympic team who in a few days will sail for Switzerland with the team and here he is coach Doc Finster mr. Fenster I really thank you a coach Fenster how do you think your team will do in the Winter Olympics mr. Bell I have every confidence that my boys will Gryphon reading the entire at the time of a favorite of former football not only was the other words a cannon in the salad pager did I know it's agree but they are the only ones who ever brought a bag and they're very simple time actually I won't Benedict London well coach I understand that be is that you have enforced a very rigid training schedule on your team absolutely no member of my team is familiar festival staff they tell us what a lot and they must never nibble fine they can do xalapa didn't slip under step any booty like even trip on a sub dumpy I I imagine coach offensive that you're all looking forward to your boat trip to Switzerland yes we were planning a two-day stopover and the romantic island of smellman they are having a terrible epidemic of cotton Stein it sounds awful awful there isn't that's never left on the island coach mr. before our team goes into action what will be your last words to them I'll say this boys go in there and show them what you're made of come by spell your smell attack lace up your pillars I just go into home and go out there a loom remember I'm playing in the hand it's like you were never play remember the ones that that great athletes pay bigger lies and guess who said quote play the game play it's prayer anybody that would like that speech should have their head examined mr. Gallup the real winter sports were the sports of our youthful days when on those crisp winter evenings we sat under the fireplace with that one and only girl [Laughter] [Applause] are you playing with your elbows yeah Cynthia precious memories of Cynthia remember Cynthia what fun we had in the snow I'd be rolling snow balls to make a snowman you'll be rolling drunks to make a buck Cynthia my outdoor girl that went to air used to put apples in your cheeks and every time I pinched your cheek I'd get a handful of cider I get a handful of cider charming Cynthia remember that day that you came in exhausted out of the snow how you scream when I began pulling off your snow shoes I didn't know they were your feet you are frozen stiff and I cost brandy down your throat and you got skipper in winter wonderland with Cynthia I remember Cynthia how we go coasting down the hill together how slow we went we went much faster after you waxed your stomach I always remember the last time I saw you Cynthia it was the day mayor O'Dwyer all of them to clean up the city and you were the first thing they pushed down the sword so until you show up in the corner Alice's Canal I have keep singing no from New York to California from Louisiana to Oregon from city after city all over the country Eminence nose and throat specialists make this report listen we are convinced Philip Morris is definitely less irritating than any other leading cigarette that's why in cases of irritation due to smoking we suggest change to Philip Morris yes that's professional advice and good advice to every man or woman who smokes change to Philip Morris because the cigarette that gives you the least irritation is the cigarette that gives you the most enjoyment and after all its pleasure deep rich pleasure that counts in smoking and the full measure of smoking pleasure is yours to enjoy day in day out in Philip Morris that's why we say if every smoking you what Philip Morris smokers no they'd all change – Philip Morris America's finest cigarette [Applause] hahaha lovely lovely what you played of it mr. block thank you that was the skate as walls played by ray block and his famous Blockheads and go ray may I say that you were never better I'd even go further you were never worse that's the joke never and now as we continue our salute to winter sports we present winter sports autumn tonight winter sports autumn tonight the question where is there more winter activity at Lake Placid or in the Paramount balcony Thank You mr. Gallup thank you now let us start with questions from our audience all right let's start with this gentleman in the third row with his head in the mandolin yes sir mr. Berle we want you to take part in our winter sports carnival we want you to be a leader Elita yes there'll be five dogs and a sled behind you thank you very much but let us go on all right this young man in the aisle printing money young man step up or you want your knees no I'm sorry what is your name my name is Kansas City kitty-kitty-kitty you were born in Kansas City no I was born in Georgia then why don't they call you Sweet Georgia Brown are you kidding that's a girl's name I see yeah where did the kitty come from my mother was a thiamine how many people mistook me for a girl I gotta take a middle name what's your middle name Mexicali rose all right Rex you uh you have a question concerning winter sports would you mind repeating the question please you know they read all of our jobs if you don't get a smile out of an audience full of laughing hyenas that would be kicker buddy hey ed aspyn keyboarder let's hear from the women in the audience all right this lady in the aisle luck seeing her undies with oxydol what is your what is your name madam Feeney on a homemaker and I see and you have a question that has to do with winter sports yeah why is my husband so nuts about skating he spends all his time at the Scarsdale skiing skating and stunt hunting club champion skater fancy fat slob no I mean I mean is he a fancy status I see you should see him through a coach dance I escaped is he good yes I understand he's always doing six on skate conscious attitude spin in a second he couldn't stop warmup he's good himself in today I have to admit got the joke alright where are we okay yes I believe oh wait a minute wait a minute my line my life Jennifer oh say that before that's terrible watch this best you know be funny if this is an audition that we don't know it took on skates we can do a figure eight the hard way the hard way even right into bed it's terrible when he sticks those cold blades against my back a good unit rock the clothes he wears when he goes cases bad Sarah pants for will instead fake sweaters and on top of all that he wears a long winter Union so the Union suit – how can your husband move are you kidding with a good stiff breeze hitting up the flap he can get up to 60 miles an hour there will be a rehearsal in the basement if pipes keep out now let's hear from an expert with us tonight is none other than the world's champion ski jumper 240 pounds of greased lightning and driving power Big Ben Fairfield ladies and gentlemen mr. Pether field Thank You mr. Berger this is an Indian boy the face goes to my many and Hyden admirers who have seen me jump up north and land and many scattered catch tell us mr. feather feel excuse me mr. Bourg do you mind if I sit down I'm pooped you're tired on my way here I picked up a peanut off the sidewalk I think I strained myself mr. feather feel of peanut isn't heavy but this one must solve it well that's different mr. feather fee of the sports world was very shocked to find that you are not eligible for the Winter Olympic Games how come it was a terrible new game mr. bear when the only big officials interviewed me they asked are you a pro I answered yes you said yes I thought they said Schmo mr. feller feel has always been something so romantic about winter sports how about that yes it was at a ski-jump and I met my wife you met your wife at a ski-jump I leaped high in the air and there she was beside me she was on skis he was on a broom oh I say and she's been mopping me up everything there's a fella field you mean to say that your wife mistreat you mr. Berle when my wife slapping me last night I had it coming mr. feather feed you were bad again mm-hmm last night yes oh I shouldn't be telling you so much what happened last night she caught me in the pantry with a cookie what's so terrible about that this cookie was 18 years old I am a young singing star dick Bonnie singing the best things in life are free there Oh their law everyone the flowers and streams some things that Oh they lost to everyone the bad things in law Oh for you are yours are mine come to everyone the best things in life are free I'm ready pop you know I kid you a lot every week but you are casted tonight sounds well the boys they seem so relaxed as though someone just told him that Petrillo knows what he's doing Petrillo there's a powerful guy you think not even the New York snowstorm had to make its record before December 31st tonight tonight in discussing winter sports I must tell you what happened last winter mr. mrs. Gallup invited my wife and me to spend a weekend at their winter Lodge in Maine and we all drove up there dashing through the snow in my set roll a copay watch were you're driving you're in Maine I was looking out the window I can't tell if those lumps in the snow of Burma Shave signs or Republicans waiting in line to vote are we almost there mr. Gallup yes you turn left at the next vote for Outlands ensign gosh I I still can't get over you asking me Milton Berle am nothing to spend a weekend with you the social gallops mrs. Gallup I really appreciate it I said I really appreciate it mrs. Geller come dear you can sit up now we're miles from Park Avenue none of our friends could possibly see us gee mrs. Gallup I hope after this we see a lot of each other I mean after this weekend we're gonna be great friends you said it close the window Frank I may turn myself out you know mrs. Gallup when we get back to New York I want you to meet my friend oh goody it's been years since I've been a knight caught my whopper you're driving my friend you're driving my car you're driving bag bag bag you think I never drove a car before which somebody call a smiling Irishman what happened oh I meant to tell you this is the end of the road the end of the road yes those New Englanders and they have sense of humor they continued the white line right up the clip where's your lodge mr. Gallup it's right over there I'll get the shuffled who will have a jolly time clearing off the driveway you're not going to wield a shovel like a common laborer oh yeah you shouldn't someone has to clean off the driveway yeah someone have to clean off the driveway yes yes someone why is everybody looking at me you don't want to know oh no still yet I'd love to do it I I insist I'll get you a shovel father I'll just dig it out with my hand and what I can't reach I'll lap up with my tongue this was gonna be a rest Oh Oh mr. Gallup that was an amusing story too bad Noten isn't here to steal it well I do say him he's been gone six hours doing that driveway there he is what I thought was the start of the driveway turned out to be highway 62 my back I'm frozen in a minute would have a roaring fire in the fireplace a roaring fire just as soon as someone goes out and shops the wood Argo thanks caliph you're not going to exhaust yourself oh my job the wood where's the axe I'll show you this way what is the great rest on heaven here's the axe pearl I'll chop down this little tree here little the last time I saw a tree like that there was a tunnel through it for cars now you go right ahead and I'll carry this twig in for kindling cheerio cheerio where's that axe all right it goes nothing shame on your making mr. Gallow carry on that quick finger look back I insist on calling the doctor really it's nothing mr. Gallet brave oh thank that foolish pride of yours standing there with a slipper in your hands oh oh yeah you're tracking blood in the house oh it's nothing it's nothing oh it's just a scratch I'll pick out the fragments and throw them away look at my right foot I think I chopped three toes off good now you'll have five like everybody else please no cannot I'm weak are weak I need food yes food someone will have to walk six miles to town and five charter odo gallop I don't want you to go down that lonely mountain road at this time of night why not oh yes but they won't attack you unless they're hungry that one doesn't sound like he just finished eating at Lindy's does it well someone has to go for food yep I'll hop on one leg just open the door and give me a shovel coming mother more champagne though thank you I don't understand milton was only getting frankfurters and beans and he's been gone two hours heavens here comes someone staggering through the snow [Laughter] those wolves it was a nightmare look at me those wolf fights I can understand but look at that arrow in my back lay them down here oona get them oh don't worry we're going to think you are yes sir we'll do everything g-gee misters gallop you're all so wonderful so so friendlies you're not the only thing that counts now is to get you up on your feet it is yes you forgot the mustard someone has to go back to town thank you very much I'll be back in a jiffy in the meantime remember this you're twice as sure of twice the pleasure when you smoke Philip Morris and here's why first you enjoy the pleasure of smoking the world's finest premium tobacco's mellow and mild and superbly blended and second you enjoy the extra pleasure of smoking the one the only leading cigarette recognized by eminent nose and throat specialists as definitely less irritating yes you're twice as sure of twice the pressure when you smoke Philip Morris so next time you call for cigarettes call for Philip Morris made in America by Americans to please American tastes thank you very much that your girlfriend note was saying good night we're little mate late good no they'd all change to Philip Morris America's finest cigarette hello hello testing one two three four five that's it five pipe smokers five revelation pipe tobacco a smooth blend of five tobacco's yes relax take five take revelation of fine pipe tobacco most is NBC the National Broadcasting Company [Applause]

Milton Berle 480106 Salutes Winter Sports, Old Time Radio
Tagged on:                                                             

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *