Here I am with The Legend of Zelda Pro Skater WOOHOHOOOOO Uh-oh. Wait, wait, WAIT! God damn- I’m gonna try and kill you guys with this tree trunk, ok? Hold that, hold that end up, hold that- no. You guys are fucking this whole thing up. *Giggles* *Laughs* Now stop. Roll over. Good boy! Who’s a good boy? Right boy, now fetch! Yah! Go get it! Go get the stick! I’m gonna do like a log roll. Kill ’em. Roll over ’em. See what I’m saying here? *game over music* Paulie, send in the boulder. Heh heh. This guy’s so fucked. Paulie you’re fired. Now don’t try to kiss up to me now.
You’re fired. You are outta here. Look guys. I found a horsie. *Link groans* *Game Over music* Fuck you Paulie. This guy sucks! Let me show you. Let me show you how to do it. Let me show you. You get it out and bam! You just do it. One of those. It’s raining now. OH SHIT! Oh shit did you see that?! You know what they say- always hide under a tree. Cus that way you can’t get hit. The fuck? Ah-ah. Don’t you blow that horn. Ah-ah. Don’t- Don’t you get struck by lightning! Fall in the river and die. Don’t worry guys- I’ve saved my best move for last. I call this one the Rock Bottom. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *Game Over music* Watch out for my Lizard Forked Boomerang! GEEEEE YAH! Oh! He just caught it out of the air! Whatcha gonna do now dumbass?
You don’t have any weapons. Oh f- what the? WHAT THE-?! AHAHAHAHA This guy. Now this guy is the most killdest guy. Remember that one guy? Well now it’s this guy. Just one more and we’re all don- Oh? He’s woke- He’s dancing! *laughs* He’s so happy! If only he knew the reality, of his situation. Goobaye! *BOOM* Bawbay! It so good to see you landed on your feet, man. I though you died in that explosion. It looks like you’re, what are you a janitor now? Why is this thing called a guardian? *SWOOP* It just fuckin’ kills me. The fuck with this shi- Ow! Aw! Augh! STAP! *laughs* Okay. I’m figurin’ it out. I know all his moves now. Oh-Aw-what? fuck? Okay. He’s got a new move now. Let me win you fuckin- Damn this guy, I hate this fuckin- Bait this out, then he goes in for the hit. Then he gets stuck, okay? Then you get a couple of hits. Then FAPOW! POW! See that. *swoop* And then he fuckin’ kills you anyway. Aaah now I’m gettin’ it. Hey, what’s goin’ on over there, eh? Health bar’s lookin a little low- you fuckin’ piece of shit! You fuckin’, DIE- What the fuck is- He’s doin’ some new shit now. What is he doing? Shit! What the fuck! What the fuck! Maaan, come on. He’s chargin’ it up again?! *Babbling* Eat the food you fucking piece of shit! Give me a break, man. Co- JESUS CHRIST! It doesn’t, never stops!!! Goddammit! Stahp!!! Stop shooting the fuckin laser! God- *Breathing Excessively* Come on you motherfucker! C’mon. *Grunting* Just…Fuckin’…DIE! *Random babbling* *exhale* That’s a pretty good weapon. I just broke it. Ahaha! See ya later, you fuckin’ animals! No, don’t pop the balloons. Please! *BEEP BEEP* Eeeeeh Catch! *laughs* Aw, dude did you hear that? She likes me! This is the woman of my dreams!
Such an amazing feeling! How can I ever repay you? Tony, get the boulder. Welcome back to Cooking with the dunk! Today, I’m gonna show ya how to cook the perfect Seared Primed Steak. every ti- *Grunting* *POOF* And there you go. Just look at those, beautiful, beautiful steaks. Well, well, well, look what we got goin’ on here? Puttin’ yourself back together again?
What are you, Humpty Dumpty? You know what, give me that. You are outta here! *kick* *Splash* Hahahahaha! As we speak, your very weapon is being Fulton-ed to mother base, for me to research and develop… to se- no. Put that back! Fuck these guys. *BOOM* I’m a genius. Don’t you fuckin’ hit me, man! Don’t you do it, don- uh! See? I tried to tell him. I try to tell people shit, and they don’t fuckin’ listen You just don’t hit a chicken in Zelda. Even I know that. And I’m a goddamn donkey, for crying out loud. Yes! It worked! Set sail for adventure, ladies and gentlemen! I christen this ship, the SS… Fuckin’ piece of shit! Maybe it still, nah maybe it still…no. Here you go, Bobokin! A new weapon for you! Pick it- No don’t kick it! You pick it up! Here! Asshole! You’re rui- There you go. There you go, see? He gets it! There you go! For you, Bobokin, I give you the leaf. Cause I’m, quite frankly, I’m sick of your shit. Good luck killing me with a leaf. *Laughs* Aw, that’s kinda cute. He’s just trying, He’s just trying his best. *Laughs*
What are you doin’ there, a little spin attack? Why did I give him the leaf?
That’s my best weapon that I had. Do that spin move you do. With the uh- Yeah, there ya go! That’s the one! Okay, now come over here! Now stand right…right, yeah there you go. *laughs* What’s going on with the barrel, huh? Cause you ain’t throwing it. Barrel’s right there. Trying it again. What? But…there’s no barrel. What are you throwing? You don’t even have a barr- Bye bye. *Falling Sound Effect* *crash* Uh-oh. Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa. nahnahnahnahnahnah
Whoawhoawhoawhoa nah- Nah- Whoa- Wha- Huh? Huh? Wha- Ah- Oh my god, I’m still alive! *smack* *outro*