(upbeat music) – I got a story for you. I’m going to tell you about the time when I almost died. It happened back when I was
a sophomore in high school back when I thought I was a hot stack, but actually I really just
looked like Hey Arnold which would explain
why hat sniffer fit me. But this particular day,
me and my Uncle John went to a Chinese food restaurant, okay? We went to the Shanghai Inn and it wasn’t even an inn. Apparently, it’s just an
establishment built on lies and great cashew chicken. We went for the cashew chicken. While we’re just grubbing it up, it like flash rained and about the time we
stopped grubbing, it ceased. We leave the inn, we hop in the car, it was an SUV, I lied, I just wanted to make the story
more eco friendly (laughs). So we pull up to the exit
in the Nissan Leaf, okay, and my uncle looks to the
left down this back alley and then he looks back
at me and just says, “Should we we hit it?” Okay, I didn’t know what
he was talking about, but the first thing that
popped in my head was it’s a zombie. It freaking had to be. I mean, just the way he said it. It was either that or a pterodactyl. (laughing) Let’s be honest, that’s just madness. That’s just crazy soup. His eyes said zombie. Those gelatinous marbles said there was a zombie
gallivanting in the back alley. His nostrils flared, which could have meant
that he’s on roller blades or he’s playing street hockey. I mean the thought of
demobilizing a zombie with nothing but noon’s
laws emotion (laughs). I’m all excited about that. I’m excite. I mean, look quite excite. A little bit too dang
excite about doing that. I mean, I was so dang excite, that I forgot the finer points of grammar. Ed, excited, yeah. So I look through his widow, you know, to see what’s down this
back alley and I see it. Nothing. Not a freaking thing. No extracurricular fun-loving
zombie roller blading his way into my heart, which in the short time I
birthed him in my imagination I named Frolay. The street was empty. I mean, talk about a think of smeef, smelly beef, I mean just uncanned smeef right out of my expectations. Turns out he was talking about a puddle. Yeah, a small dip in the road where water had collected during the rain. And when he saw it he did
what any earth dwelling mammal would want to do when faced with a puddle. He wanted to hit it at
ridiculously high speeds causing a brief splash. Why do we do this? We know what it’s going to do, it’s going to splash places, very uneventfully for a couple seconds. It’s never going to surprise
us with something new. You know, like a glorious double rainbow. (screaming) Or gold coins. Bountiful. Or an undead roller blading
health nut named Frolay. So he pulls out onto the street and he starts speeding
up towards the puddle. We’re about to hit the puddle when a red truck happens
to turn onto the street coming towards us. Now we’re on an intercept course, okay? I don’t this guy, he doesn’t know us, but we’re about to cross paths
on the orchestra of life. We engage the puddle
at the exact same time. I’m guessing it created
a vortex, a vacuum per se that somehow drew energy from the earth like a spirit bomb,
exactly like a spirit bomb, it was a spirit bomb, okay? It creates this water wave
that freakishly defies all physics. I’ve never experienced
real life slow motion until this moment right here. I decided to grab a look
at the wave that Poseidon was making. I look up and I look over
and I catch the driver of the other vehicle looking back at me and he just has this face of shear terror. It was like the face that
I wish I had power windows. The guys window was completely down, not freaking half way, not cracked, it was the full freaking Monte. He was completely exposed. He just held up his hand. I guess he was like
hoping to freeze the wave, but I think he rapidly realized he was no Neo, because
you could kind of see a dementor was ripping the
hope away from his face as he had his hand up. He also hit his windshield
wipers (laughing). The funny part to me is
not the fact that the wave just lays him out, but his perspective of these
two idiots watching him just in pure jubilation. I mean, the face that I had was just like I just got the best dang chicken tenders. My uncle had this face of
I just found 20 dollars in my pocket. So the time finally came where the wave just slaughters him. I mean, just takes him to prom, drops him off and doesn’t even pay. Just (screaming). You could hear the howl from the man as he like drove away. In fact, some people say
that you can still hear it until this day, but you gotta listen close enough. (scream in background) We had to stop the dang car
because we were laughing so freaking hard, that like air had trouble getting to us because of earth lag and our laughter was just transcending the traditional cackles into
just a medley of squeaks. (making squeaking sounds) It freaking sounded like a
pencil with a worn eraser and you’re trying to erase the dang bubble in the bubble test, but then everything starts
getting all blackened and you start smudging
and tearing the test because of a worn eraser. My test just just looks like
I got in a freaking brawl with a charcoal briquette
and a thunder cat. (screaming) Ow, (laughing). So I started slapping
the controls on the door to lower the window, so I could receive that precious O2, because I wasn’t getting anything because I was dying from laughter. So the window is lowering, okay? And about this time a car jettisons by splashing a wave into my face
as I’m dying of laughter. This has erupted an
already deadly situation. It was like Bowser peed on an open flame. I was dying, okay? This was a crescendo of my life. Laughing squeaks were gone. It just was like a quiet pit of descension and the ground is just
like crinkling inwards like a broken slinky, but haza, there was an encore for my life. It turns out my fail safe kicked in, my dimples. Those glorious inverted pogs. Basically, what ended up happening was I strained my dimples so bad that I pulled a muscle in both cheeks and from anguishing
pain, I stopped laughing, which saved my life. Yeah, yeah. It wasn’t my time. But when it is my time, I want to have the last laugh, okay? (laughing) (upbeat music)

DEATH IS A QUIET WAVE / STORY
Tagged on:                                                                                                     

100 thoughts on “DEATH IS A QUIET WAVE / STORY

  • June 8, 2012 at 1:15 am
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    The Nissan Leaf. LOL

    Reply
  • June 8, 2012 at 2:51 am
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    SO STYLISH I CAN'T TAKE IT!!

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  • June 8, 2012 at 4:25 am
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    Don't we all? I developed a crush when I first saw his videos as well. =P

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  • June 8, 2012 at 7:36 pm
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    Dude i love you

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  • June 8, 2012 at 9:30 pm
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    His "I just got the best chicken tenders pose is amazing *.*

    Reply
  • June 8, 2012 at 9:49 pm
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    Awesome Faces 4:41

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  • August 15, 2012 at 9:03 pm
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    4:48 best face, also when he says "PISS"

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  • August 16, 2012 at 12:15 pm
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    Star Wars nerd :3

    Reply
  • August 19, 2012 at 2:03 pm
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    45 people don't have a sense of humor.

    Reply
  • August 20, 2012 at 1:10 am
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    Olan, I love you so much. I been watching your videos for hours and I have been laughing the whole time. My face hurts because I have been smiling and laughing so much. Please don't stop making videos! Tell Starscream I said hi! <3 Love you!

    Reply
  • August 20, 2012 at 4:34 am
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    You tell me bedtime stories after I tell my kids bedtime stories. The jubilation!

    Reply
  • August 20, 2012 at 6:43 pm
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    Oh my gosh you guys….. hit the "interactive transcript" button.

    Reply
  • August 20, 2012 at 8:25 pm
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    im a hotstack.

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  • August 20, 2012 at 11:58 pm
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    i have trouble watching this while breathing aka i'm laughing too much and im gon die

    Reply
  • October 16, 2012 at 12:24 am
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    really cool

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  • October 16, 2012 at 12:32 am
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    I am a sophomore. I am a "hot stack"

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  • October 16, 2012 at 1:42 am
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    you are so perfect! I hope i meet someone like you <3

    Reply
  • October 16, 2012 at 3:49 am
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    brief splash omg best line ever

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  • October 16, 2012 at 4:03 am
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    i love how why he does his videos, he's like crackin up!

    Reply
  • October 16, 2012 at 9:09 pm
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    I am now dieing of laughter

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  • October 17, 2012 at 2:15 am
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    First off, I just wish to say how handsome you are. Because hey man, you have the face of a Greek God.
    Second I wish to inquire the meaning of your tattoo, I get that it's roman numerals, I think it was 942, I can never see it clearly no matter how hard I look at your arm(by the way, do you work out?)
    Thirdly, please tell me you are less than 10 years older than me because you are probably one of the cutest/most hilarious person on the face of this planet.
    P.S. I am totally single.

    Reply
  • October 17, 2012 at 2:44 am
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    Omg, could someone make 2:39 – 2:41 into a .gif and get back to me?

    Reply
  • October 17, 2012 at 3:19 am
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    WHAT IS AIR?!?!?

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  • November 28, 2012 at 4:05 pm
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    Hahahahahhhahahahhahahha

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  • November 28, 2012 at 11:36 pm
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    wow, i think im in love lol!!!!

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  • December 1, 2012 at 2:14 am
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    This guy really makes my day. He cracks me up.

    Reply
  • December 1, 2012 at 11:16 pm
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    I was watching this and I decieded to take an innocent drink of coke a cola and he said the hey arnold comment and I looked to my friend and her face was soooo funny that the beverage exited my relm through the nasal passage. And lettme it burns. The shit that just went down got real

    Reply
  • December 2, 2012 at 12:47 am
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    HE IS THE FUNNIEST GUY ON YOUTUBE. HIS GRAMMER IS HILARIOUS. I CANT EVEN, WHAT IS AIR!

    Reply
  • December 2, 2012 at 5:48 am
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    "No extracurricular fun loving zombie rollerblading his way into my heart, which in the short time i birthed him in my imagination i named him frolee" LMFAO

    Reply
  • December 3, 2012 at 6:54 am
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    NO EXTRA CURRICULAR ZOMBIE ROLLERBLADING HIS WAY INTO MY HEART! You are amazing, never stop making videos… ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • December 3, 2012 at 5:47 pm
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    I love how passionate he is everytime he tells a story.

    Reply
  • December 4, 2012 at 12:23 am
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    could you imagine being married to him…HAHA

    Reply
  • December 5, 2012 at 12:56 am
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    hey what's your tumblr?):

    Reply
  • December 5, 2012 at 1:41 am
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    OMG 2:36 cracked me up

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  • December 5, 2012 at 4:17 am
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    FROLIE!

    Reply
  • December 5, 2012 at 9:14 pm
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    I genuinely laughed out loud through 80% of this video

    Reply
  • December 5, 2012 at 11:20 pm
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    Who would want to see something between Olan and Jontron or Egoraptor? I would like that a lot.

    Reply
  • December 6, 2012 at 1:40 am
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    This vid was posted 10 days after my 15th birthday! XD

    Reply
  • December 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm
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    I WANT A GIF OF 4:42 TO 4:48

    Reply
  • December 6, 2012 at 10:30 pm
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    Omfg dude you crack.me up

    Reply
  • December 7, 2012 at 1:38 am
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    ahhahahahaha so legit!!

    Reply
  • January 13, 2013 at 11:09 am
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    You are SO handsome!

    Reply
  • January 13, 2013 at 11:59 am
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    dude i cant watch you i die every time.

    Reply
  • January 15, 2013 at 4:30 am
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    2:50-3:00 OMG

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  • January 16, 2013 at 12:27 am
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    5:11 I DIED. I love how he's always on the verge of laughing at himself. hahahaha

    Reply
  • January 16, 2013 at 4:11 am
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    i literally had to stop this video in the middle because i got to laughing so hard that i fell into a coughing fit and couldn't breathe!! this was a fantastic one!

    Reply
  • January 16, 2013 at 4:29 am
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    That was so glorious. I laugh exactly like that.

    Reply
  • January 16, 2013 at 8:24 pm
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    Thank you for imitating my laugh throughout this video. Thank you.

    Reply
  • January 19, 2013 at 3:53 am
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    you are my favorite person in the whole world. please be my best friend:)

    Reply
  • January 19, 2013 at 11:25 am
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    Fraulene!…Dude, amazing!

    Reply
  • January 19, 2013 at 9:25 pm
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    It was like Bowser pee'd on an open flame!

    Reply
  • January 20, 2013 at 12:52 am
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    "I looked like Hey Arnold!!!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahaha!!!

    Reply
  • January 20, 2013 at 6:58 am
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    I have only seen a couple of his videos and.. Laughing so hard you can't breath, Still doesn't express how funny it is.

    Reply
  • January 21, 2013 at 2:51 am
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    spirit bomb xD

    Reply
  • January 21, 2013 at 6:57 am
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    best part = 0:00 – 7:07

    Reply
  • January 21, 2013 at 4:48 pm
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    You MUST make a Shirt of Frolley! lmfao! I can picture it now XD

    Reply
  • January 21, 2013 at 7:38 pm
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    Your posters are just…I have no words to describe how amazing and epic they are.

    Reply
  • January 22, 2013 at 2:22 am
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    I lost it at spirit bomb

    Reply
  • January 22, 2013 at 2:40 am
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    You're the only youtuber that actually makes me laugh out loud!

    Reply
  • January 22, 2013 at 7:14 am
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    hahahaha oh my freakin heck Olan, you are the best.

    Reply
  • January 23, 2013 at 10:27 pm
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    I miss the tags underneath the videos because Olan's were always hilarious.

    Reply
  • January 23, 2013 at 11:26 pm
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    Wooow! You are actually hilarious

    Reply
  • January 24, 2013 at 1:18 am
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    Life seems so hilarious and amazing whenever you talk about it or tell a story

    Reply
  • January 24, 2013 at 2:32 am
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    Why is your life so interesting

    Reply
  • January 24, 2013 at 5:37 pm
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    4:43 came along and I laughed so hard that I forgot what the story was about, so I went back to the beginning.. the same thing happened.

    Long story short, I fear I may never be able to stop watching this.

    Reply
  • January 24, 2013 at 6:31 pm
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    I almost adore you.. almost! ๐Ÿ™‚

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  • January 25, 2013 at 2:12 am
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    Every time I see a puddle I imagine a roller blading zombie named Frolie.

    Reply
  • January 25, 2013 at 7:25 pm
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    "He was no Neo" jajajajajjaajjajaajaj

    Reply
  • January 27, 2013 at 5:29 am
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    This guy has a talent for story telling. SUBSCRIBED.

    Reply
  • January 28, 2013 at 5:39 am
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    omg put on the captions they're hilarious bcos they don't match what he's saying at all

    Reply
  • January 30, 2013 at 2:49 am
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    This is the best video I've ever seen, cracks me up every time, I really love you.<3

    Reply
  • January 30, 2013 at 4:11 am
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    You're so amazing. I'm crying at every single videos of yours because I'm laughing so hard.

    Reply
  • January 30, 2013 at 8:10 am
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    The quiet wave of death nearly engulfed me while laughing so hard at this video that I choked on my own saliva.

    Reply
  • February 1, 2013 at 4:23 am
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    "I jus got the best dang chicken tenders!" "I jus found twenty dollars in my pocket!" Lulz ^-^ luv how he jus laughs at himself

    Reply
  • February 1, 2013 at 4:23 am
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    You Sir, Have a new subscriber!

    Reply
  • February 1, 2013 at 4:29 am
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    you, young sir, are sexy and hilarious.

    Reply
  • February 2, 2013 at 3:43 am
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    LOL the way you described your laughing is how I laugh at your videos!! You wouldn't believe how many weird looks…

    Reply
  • February 2, 2013 at 3:55 pm
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    "Earth Lag" That's what I'm gonna say when I can't breath while laughing! xD

    Reply
  • February 2, 2013 at 9:48 pm
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    "It was like Bowser peed on an open flame!"
    ROFL

    Reply
  • February 3, 2013 at 4:37 pm
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    My cheeks hurt from laughing

    Reply
  • February 4, 2013 at 8:39 pm
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    you officially sent me into eraser squeaks

    Reply
  • February 5, 2013 at 1:46 am
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    Hahaha!!!!

    Reply
  • February 5, 2013 at 4:43 am
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    when he shouts "PISS"- gets me every time

    Reply
  • February 5, 2013 at 5:40 pm
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    ed
    excited
    PISS

    Reply
  • February 6, 2013 at 3:29 am
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    "There is a zombie gallivanting in the back alley." That is now my favorite thing someone has said.

    I cannot stop watching these videos!

    Reply
  • February 7, 2013 at 4:28 pm
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    "Im guessing it created a vortex, a vacuum persay.that somehow drew energy from the earth, like a spirit bomb, exactly like a spirit bomb. It was a spirit bomb." xD dragonball z reference haha

    Reply
  • February 7, 2013 at 9:56 pm
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    froley? children of men reference?

    Reply
  • February 7, 2013 at 10:02 pm
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    FAVOURITE VIDEO OMG

    Reply
  • February 7, 2013 at 10:34 pm
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    I HAVE AN UNCLE JOHN TOO.

    Reply
  • February 8, 2013 at 6:07 am
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    you sir are the funniest man alive….i almost shit myself

    Reply
  • February 9, 2013 at 5:16 pm
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    PLEASE be a Doctor Who fan!

    Reply
  • February 10, 2013 at 10:11 pm
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    omgosh dude ur freakng halarious!

    Reply
  • February 12, 2013 at 1:37 am
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    YOU'RE SO FUNNY I LOVE YOU

    Reply
  • February 12, 2013 at 3:31 am
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    If that's the face he makes every time he finds $20 in his pocket, then I will slip $20 into his pocket everyday for the rest of my life.

    Reply
  • February 12, 2013 at 4:55 am
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    I can't even right now, the chicken tenders and 20 dollars part is just killing me

    Reply
  • February 12, 2013 at 5:19 am
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    no extracurricular fun loving zombie rolling his way into my heart!

    Reply
  • February 12, 2013 at 11:06 pm
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    SPIRIT BOMB

    Reply
  • February 14, 2013 at 2:35 am
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    I don't think I've ever laughed that hard.

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  • February 14, 2013 at 6:12 am
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    HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE MORE VIEWS ON *ALL* OF YOUR VIDEOS?? XD You are sooooo dang funny Olan!! <3

    Reply
  • February 14, 2013 at 7:09 am
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    The only one to get the ref. (bows to your awesomeness)

    Reply

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