I see what a little cross that all about yes And [I] talk people might have been confused about where the parochial house is So I thought I’d put a big cross up in the middle of the garden just hope they know it means I’m a priest and not some Madman Some madman’s put up a cross Lovely Ted, I’m off rollerblading. Alright Dougal Hello, Craggy Island parochial house father Ted truly speaking. Hello Ted, Dick Bern here. Oh dick. Well Ted I just thought I’d give you a call and wish you all the best for lent this year what oh yeah, lent, What are you giving up? Being the biggest ages in the priesthood Seriously ted if we could just put joking aside for a minute into the solemn time of year [I] know we’ve had our disagreements in the past Ted but at the end of the day. We are both brothers in Christ. [oh] So anyway over here we decided. We’d make a special effort this year I’ve given up cigarettes father Johnson is giving up alcohol and father macduff is giving up skateboarding I Must say the atmosphere of serenity and devotion to our lord in the parochial house this year is very very special indeed right So what about it ted, will you make a similar effort? Will you join us ted, will you go the extra mile this year [I]? Suppose you’re right [dick]. I suppose. We should make a special effort it will be worth it Ted God bless you, goodbye dick and um God bless you dick I’m giving up the fags father jack that you can give the oil drinker Miss and no more rollerblading for you on till Easter dougal Easter’s miles away It is but it wouldn’t be a sacrifice if it was too Easy would it. and don’t forget why we’re doing this I know I know because of the sacrifice our [lord] much more important than that I’m not going to be beaten by father dick burn and their giving things up competition And that’s what this [is] a giving things up competition. We’ve got to show him what we can do especially after that Scrabble, [Fiasco] You’ve never told us what [happened] there ted. [oh] he I don’t know how he did it He must have cheated he must’ve because all is [worse] to say Useless priests can’t say, Mass So [right] [we’ve] got that no more fags rollerblading our booze intially sir understood all right Only once their afternoon drink great. [oh], yeah No, no, no fathers lens remember you said you’d give it up for a couple of days, [right]? He does remember you said you’d offer top [to] our lord Arnold who’s [Aaron] [I]? [know] our lord. I suppose. I made your valve for you. [I] [know] that deep down inside. You’d like to make a little sacrifice sacrifice It’s a very special time of the year for all [of] us great great Won’t find any [there] father. [I] put them somewhere very safe where Don’t [poke] father here. We go. No more fight for me now until easter Okay, no problem there at all God almighty. [I] don’t even miss them at all. This is easy Yes, I’m not even thinking about smoking not even thinking [about] It’s beginning to kick in test Yeah, I know me too God is terrible. I don’t like this at all Maybe we should stick with it okay. I mean we’ve come through worse together and don’t forget six burn Don’t you think so [tank] mmM? I certainly do [dougal] absolutely How are you doing father you all right there? Do you want me to blah blah blah? De Nada? Love the [son] the father father is he all right [I]? Think he’s a just circling the airport [better] [get] out you all right there dugan [they’ll] show yourself infront of it. Well. Yes father. I know father and you’re so great father. Oh, you make me sick I don’t know what you’re talking about you’re fucking worse. Oh, [God] you’re brilliant. [oh] father You should be pope doesn’t impress them makes me sick. God you’re an orphan [Killer]. Oh Father hello, John hello Mary, oh father. You look wonderful. Is that a new outfit? We thought you’d like some easter eggs on the shop. Oh, that’s terribly nice of you. Thank you very much [I] think it comes to about eight pounds I’m sorry bringing it down to you We’re going on holidays, and we’re not sure when we’ll be back. Yes, we’re uh we’re going to roll. Oh so looking forward We might see your friend. Who’s asked Sophia Loren. Oh Bother oh, he’s no friend of mine Actually that might have sounded a little disrespectful. No problem father One day you think was the goal one day without giving in to temptation? Hello Hello God almighty when I think of the sacrifices that Mary [hislop] made who Massey [hislop] He was notorious drunkard who found God and then decided to punish himself for [her] sins [all] used to all kinds of things like [he] had this terrible allergic reaction to cats so instead of avoiding them used to carry a kitten in his pocket This is from time to time Its head just inflated like a balloon We replace him [I] Mean Google could you not knock the rollerblading on the head for a couple of weeks? I know I know what head I used to be happy enough with the old bike you know I used to get a great bonus just going Down to the shops, but after a while it just wasn’t enough Just kept going for bigger and bigger trails So I can handle its head I could quit anytime. I want Well you tried to quit yesterday, and you couldn’t Your right head, I admitted I have a problem Come on out google. No need for that not now that we’re getting outside help anyway. Come on come on God why do not have such awful music when you’re on hold? But here ave Maria one more time. I don’t Excuse me How much longer am I going to be on hold? She’ll be with you in a second father? Hello, Sister Mary Gondola. How can I help you? Hello, my name is that father ted [Crilley] look I wonder could you send somebody else when we have a small problem here keeping our Lenten vows, what do you wish to give up exactly when them? cigarettes alcohol and [dumb] Rollerblading all right on special offer this month. We have the lenten package [150] pounds just about [booking] [Fee] of 200 pounds 200 pounds, I’m not trying to buy cocaine We have a basic offer at 50 poem I just that’ll do fine things now How do you wish to pay we accept all major credit cards? Can you hold please father? Listen I have to ring. You back. What’s up with him Dead? It looks like the last of the alcohol has left his system. I think he might actually be sober Is that his father? Are you seeing things as they really are at last [oh] my God? That’s [it]. All right I suppose sobriety for father jack must be sort of like taking some mad Loosli genic where does the other [-] the other [two] I See the old vision is back to normal. No. [there’s] just the two of us father and what do you told you that? We’re priests what? please Don’t tell ian still on that Island Well yes, yes father How do you feel what’s the great to be sober every once in a while or even every 12 years? share when don’t father cartons Floor all coming back to you is it father? Don’t Chase. I remember I remember I’m offering my Lenten pilgrimage to her father’s oh I’m off to st.. Patrick’s hills. What’s that said? Oh, it’s a big mountain you have to take your socks off in your office and once you get up at the top there They chase you all the way back down with a big plank Oh, I don’t want it to be any fun at all father. I want a good miserable time. She’s me on the straight and narrow I met a couple there last year, and [it’s] get them the word of God they were a bit obsessed with the old s [e.x] God, I’m glad I never think that type of thing father [the] whole sexual world God would you think what is a dirty 50 thing isn’t it father? Can you imagine father? Looking up at your husband and then standing over you with his lead in his hand one thing will [two-degree] some [laws] almighty can you imagine that father? picture their father Will get a good mental patient? Can you see him there ready to do the business? Struggle, [No] [time] [Mr.]. [Norman] Are you there? What an estate [I]? Just a spoon father come on CB. Here. My salami hello Dr.. [Judith] Steuben, do you remember sister [sometimes] I know? She was here last year, and then we stayed to firm the conference back and cuz there Dear Members I do And then you were hit by [the] car when you went down to the shops for the paper You must remember all that and then you want a hundred pounds with your lover ecard [oh], [you] must remember it too busy and wait to accidentally arrested for shoplifting Maybe we have to go down to the police station to get you and the police station went on fire be rescued by helicopter Do you remember you [can’t] [remember] any [of] [us]? Huh the helicopter when you found out at the helicopter? zoom remember the tigers You don’t remember? you were wearing your blue jumper ah I Have to say I have no idea sister something that [your] with the matty [hislop] code. Oh, yes everything I rated Pamphlets abstinence has been both my keeper and my reward yeah, gosh well anyhow all we want is a basic 50 quid job the bare essentials keep us off the booze and fags and Rollerblading I’m afraid the rollerblading is my own particular vice. Hey, we’ll do our best I’m looking forward [to] it. You know. I started on myself – it’s good to exercise the old willpower What about [you] [father] Jackie looking forward to it [you]? [remember] Father Jack oh. Oh, yes none Right father he’s just gone for his walk God almighty well the thing is [the] fires of Viola [hose]. It’s just time to get off It it’s 5:00 a.m.. Look too good 5:00 a.m.. God. I’ve never seen a cock at 5:00 a.m.. Before She’s obviously made a mistake. Let’s just go back to bed Fair enough Ted What do you do? I’m just writing to [her] in order to tell us that we don’t usually get up [til] later? Oh? Good figure it oh I don’t know [a] bit of breakfast, and I suppose would be fine. God. I hope So k [sub] J. No we really are only done for the basic booze fags and rollerblading [deed]. I mean they’re getting operating It’s great possible. This is war fur [all] [right], all right having a bit of a laugh with the big pickles from the Island. Where’s our real breakfast ted I’d love a [pop-tart] Yes, father dugan likes his pop-tarts first thing in the morning I really don’t take pop-tarts of any place in our Lord’s plan for the world [I] think they have as much a place as anything else Maybe our lord doesn’t take a personal interest in them, but I’m sure he delegated to someone almost as important and what about frosty Again the same thing he might have come up with the idea, but he did one would give them the green light all right But if you take something like say a sugar puffs now or a lucky charm now, baby Michael Could you please stop having that conversation just finish your breakfast and come outside for your daily punishment? Fair enough so [as] also just finished Daddy wash I’m sorry daily what you [see] there your daily punishment [mattie] his luck’s changed a program to ridding yourself of your pride a single greatest obstacle to inner fulfillment oh Sounds sounds crazy How are we to doing so fine? Thanks, [Morais] [know] [how] [your] fishing you all right? Soon you’ll be able to begin the 10 steps, [but] this isn’t the first one [they] still tend to go It’s just glenview a form of preparation for what? Are we going into space? I can’t feel my neck oh God still tend to go hopefully just a valid additional prayer Oh, God, I’m looking for [verses] replace my [method] [with] [oh] Oh, that’s it. That’s it. She’s obviously insane do good. We’ve got to get out of here Where do we go no problem? We know loads of people? [Roberts] my wang wei his parents are away for the weekend, and he’s got the whole house free and he’s got satellite Google he lives in [Addis] [Ababa] What about dick Barnett no no? I’m not ringing dick burn. [I] don’t I’ll call father Larry job he pulls up provider And wait a second no he told me not to cause the night He’s got this big important thing on will have to be father dick burns so over on rugged Island [ron] I leave her a note saying we’ve gone to a funeral or something or an autopsy Why don’t we say we had to go to an autopsy instead? I’d be more exciting No, do with a funeral is more believable all right Got to do this as quietly as possible, okay. Don’t suddenly panic or make a noise if we take it easy won’t [waker] [in] there Come on. Papa’s just get an early start to [me] mystery right godfather dumped Their probably seat. I just not very gently on the door all right jack So you wake them up and [no] I’ll have to wait no question not cloudy right good point Maybe they’re not home. No, I definitely heard something I Should have known I should have seen it you just can’t take a big burn as please go He’s a really bad priest yeah, and we still got [pretty] [attainment] [ago]. [I] know This is what it [look] [like] Well that certainly puts a different spin on things Ha you won’t tell you when will your father? I couldn’t have to do it. Just go chocolatey and [I] come back to the other nuns of jail after easter. Oh, God, please don’t tell them that I gave in to temptation She’s been eating chocolate Please father you must be so disappointed in me [if] there’s anything I can do to make it up Well, duh, you’re the mad idea Hello, sister. How can [I] help you? ah I’m back [fathers] oh my God [oh]

“Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading” | Father Ted | Series 2 Episode 8 | Dead Parrot
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99 thoughts on ““Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading” | Father Ted | Series 2 Episode 8 | Dead Parrot

  • March 21, 2017 at 1:27 am
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    Thanks for all of these.

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  • March 21, 2017 at 4:20 am
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    Yas! Thank you so much for these!

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  • April 1, 2017 at 5:09 am
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    This episodes always makes me wonder how the show would've been like if the Rugged Island crew got the main roles instead.

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  • April 3, 2017 at 2:19 am
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    Are these aloud to be published in Youtube?

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  • April 15, 2017 at 7:41 am
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    WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD PUT A THUMBS DOWN!!!!!

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  • May 2, 2017 at 8:29 pm
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    DRINK! OH, YES!

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  • May 11, 2017 at 1:11 am
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    Are you gonna include the Christmas Special? Thanks for the this btw.

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  • May 14, 2017 at 8:12 pm
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    Brilliant show 😀 such a classic! Love the fact the theme tune from Call Of Duty – World At War' was in in the mix! XD

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  • May 28, 2017 at 10:13 pm
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    What is the painting of a priest with his fingers in an electric toaster all about?

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  • July 6, 2017 at 5:11 pm
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    DON'T TELL ME I'M STILL ON THAT FECKIN ISLAND!!

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  • July 12, 2017 at 5:06 am
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    My favourite show of all time

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  • August 19, 2017 at 8:58 am
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    Picture your husband standing over you with his lad in his hand ready to do the business. Oh, I want you to get a good mental image

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  • September 20, 2017 at 5:38 am
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    This is the funniest channel on you Tube!

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  • October 1, 2017 at 2:39 pm
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    One of the unfortunate things about this show, great though it was, was how they started putting silly American references in the show to appeal to US audiences after it became popular over there, like when Dougal talks about Pop-Tarts and Lucky Charms (lol). It's really stupidly out of place.

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  • November 5, 2017 at 9:42 pm
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    https://youtu.be/JnAHhakhv_k

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  • November 28, 2017 at 11:41 am
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    That nine is a savage. Pulled her gun on the modofokaz😂😂😂 laughed so fucking hard

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  • December 8, 2017 at 11:16 pm
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    Jack: N-N-N-N-Nan!
    Ted: No, it's "nun."
    Jack: NUN?!?
    (Father Jack screams in fright and runs for the window, breaking glass as he jumps out.)
    Ted: Bye, Father! (to Sister Assumpta) He's just gone for his walk.

    How funnier can you get?

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  • January 6, 2018 at 6:00 pm
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    I love dougal’s beddings

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  • January 13, 2018 at 4:09 pm
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    Makes me proud to be Irish!

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  • January 19, 2018 at 10:23 am
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    Reality !

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  • January 25, 2018 at 6:34 pm
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    My favourite episode! Never gets old!

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  • February 14, 2018 at 12:07 am
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    'I'm terribly sorry, I gave that up for Lent' is in fact my favourite standard excuse for avoiding unpleasant offices. Proves immensely effective, for some reason. Happy Ash Wednesday, everyone! x)

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  • February 25, 2018 at 12:05 am
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    2018 still loving and watching father ted. Where was this filmed

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  • March 2, 2018 at 10:10 am
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    SOME MADMAN WITTA CROSS

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  • March 4, 2018 at 12:16 am
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    catholics and their PAGAN "holidays" given "christian" meanings. Funniest part of the series.

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  • March 8, 2018 at 9:43 am
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    lol my boys face at 5:08

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  • April 11, 2018 at 9:08 am
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    God Almighty,what idjeet did the subtitle translation?Someone who couldn't understand Irish?

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  • April 17, 2018 at 6:30 pm
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    12:35 I think this one the best Mrs. Doyle moments! So incredibly funny

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  • April 18, 2018 at 6:45 am
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    Mrs.Doyle and her falling over…and her obsession of serving tea…the priest father Ted calls to and shit happends..nice touch.

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  • April 22, 2018 at 7:39 am
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    oh good Lord this episode is Soo funny

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  • May 19, 2018 at 10:46 pm
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    'ARNOLD? wHOES ARNOLD?!'

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  • June 5, 2018 at 12:56 am
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    Arnold whos Arnold lol

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  • June 10, 2018 at 10:10 am
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    chair…curtains…floor….gobshyte !

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  • June 15, 2018 at 2:24 pm
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    fecking tripping withdrawals were halarious. grand. fantastic episode

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  • June 15, 2018 at 2:34 pm
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    Rollerblading!

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  • June 27, 2018 at 10:06 pm
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    God bless Father Ted and cifarettes

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  • July 3, 2018 at 11:52 pm
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    Whoever translated this did a butcher of a job

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  • July 9, 2018 at 9:09 am
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    That was the smartest thing father Ted has ever done. Great ending.

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  • July 19, 2018 at 3:31 am
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    If this show was brought back today it would be crucified by the PC people.

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  • August 4, 2018 at 4:15 pm
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    Sacrifice? Arse!

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  • August 4, 2018 at 8:34 pm
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    Flopin hell, i just quit the bloody nails

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  • August 8, 2018 at 9:01 am
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    ARNOLD!!? WHO'S ARNOLD!!?

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  • August 21, 2018 at 11:36 pm
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    My favourite episode EVER!!!! Brilliant stuff!!!! 🤣

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  • August 26, 2018 at 1:34 am
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    Have the Father Ted episodes spiked during the Holy Father's visit to Ireland?? Art from suffering – brilliant series!

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  • September 12, 2018 at 10:11 pm
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    NO MORE CATHOLICS !!!!

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  • September 28, 2018 at 11:36 am
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    She’s been eating chocolate!

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  • October 5, 2018 at 8:19 pm
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    Dougles cigarette hands got me then…get me now. Every time. Ethosfactoryfilms/vimeo

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  • October 7, 2018 at 4:50 am
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    I can't help but wonder if that skate was purpose-built for a sight gag.

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  • November 4, 2018 at 3:52 am
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    It feels like after "I remember!" That there was a deleted scene, something Jack was remembering.

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  • November 20, 2018 at 4:12 am
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    The guy who added the subtitles has no clue about Irish slang or even plain English. Gob shite at 12:27 is subtitled as Don't chase…. jeez, share for chair, cartons for curtains and it goes on and on. Eejit.

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  • December 2, 2018 at 1:08 pm
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    Reminds me what I heard about the Former Governor of Texas USA Rick Perry -He Now works for the Trump Administration. Imagine Rick Perry having to strip Nekked & lay on the floor while his wife Whips him To Purge Him Of Sin .

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  • December 8, 2018 at 10:52 am
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    FECK!! GORLS!!!

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  • December 8, 2018 at 10:52 am
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    DRINK!

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  • December 16, 2018 at 1:32 am
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    This show reminds me of The Young Ones. I love it!!🍷

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  • December 29, 2018 at 12:56 am
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    Father dick burn oh shit

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  • December 30, 2018 at 1:10 am
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    The on-hold nun has a beautiful voice! I love this episode. "ARNOLD? WHO'S ARNOLD?!"

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  • January 8, 2019 at 1:31 pm
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    Hiliarous😊

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  • January 13, 2019 at 9:31 am
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    Dick Burn

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  • January 23, 2019 at 8:23 am
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    Still the funniest thing on earth, and it will always stay funny

    Reply
  • January 25, 2019 at 11:20 am
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    hi everyone ,if anyone else wants to discover best way to give up smoking try Cypouris Quick Stop Coach(should be on google have a look ) ? Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my m8 got excellent results with it.

    Reply
  • January 28, 2019 at 10:39 am
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    Just in one episode it would have been brilliant to see George Carlin playing a priest , very costly but oh what a episode it would have been , perhaps an American priest visiting for two weeks from the USA , It would have made a great hour long special.

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  • February 22, 2019 at 2:51 pm
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    Fek! Drink! Girls! Doesn't get old.

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  • March 8, 2019 at 11:38 pm
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    Sacrifice ? ARSE !!!

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  • March 16, 2019 at 1:08 pm
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    god ive never seen a clock at 5am before XD

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  • April 1, 2019 at 11:36 pm
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    Ted ,id like a pop tart! Wouldn't we all!

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  • April 2, 2019 at 2:37 pm
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    Gobshite !!! Does anyone say that anymore

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  • April 2, 2019 at 2:40 pm
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    Nun aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh

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  • April 2, 2019 at 2:43 pm
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    Before the ice bucket challenge lol

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  • April 11, 2019 at 9:54 am
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    The subtitles are terrible

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  • April 11, 2019 at 9:23 pm
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    0:50 I didn't know the lady who plays Mrs Doyle could sing. (As any good singer will tell you, you have to be able to sing pretty well to pretend to sing that badly.)

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  • April 13, 2019 at 9:45 pm
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    Hahahahaha, feckin great hahaha

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  • April 14, 2019 at 6:43 pm
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    Finally found this show again. Thanks for posting bless you

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  • April 28, 2019 at 7:45 am
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    This episode is pure comic gold, a timeless classic. Up there with the first episode of Black Books and the first 2 seasons of Monty Python + their films.

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  • May 8, 2019 at 8:00 am
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    Sacrifice? Arse!!!! Hilarious

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  • May 11, 2019 at 1:03 am
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    Arnold? Who's Arnold…dont tell me I'm still on that feckin island…HE'S NO FRIEND OF MINE

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  • May 23, 2019 at 10:09 am
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    My Dad gave Me a £1 to buy an Easter Egg, thinking it would only cost him a few Shilling at most.
    I bought an Egg and Chocolates combination.
    It cost him 19 Shillings and 6 Pence.
    When I got home I handed him the 6 Pence change and Mother the Easter Egg and Chocolates.
    Father was speechless, but couldn't say a word against Me because Mother was Delighted.
    She kept the Chocolates but I got the Egg.
    Best Easter ever.

    Reply
  • June 19, 2019 at 5:39 am
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    Dick Burn here .. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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  • June 20, 2019 at 6:46 pm
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    How is Dougal rollerblading on grass?

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  • June 25, 2019 at 12:25 am
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    LoVeLy fAgS

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  • June 25, 2019 at 12:26 am
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    When they were seeing shit lol

    Reply
  • July 3, 2019 at 4:31 am
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    I'm wondering if this episode was dedicated to Mel Gibson

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  • July 10, 2019 at 1:33 am
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    lovely fags hahahaha

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  • July 11, 2019 at 2:32 am
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    Holy crap lol He's sober!

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  • July 13, 2019 at 2:55 pm
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    Note the portrait @ 11 minutes. It would appear to be a priest with his hand in a toaster! Gotta love Father Ted!

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  • July 15, 2019 at 3:18 am
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    10:48 200 pounds! I'm not trying to buy cocaine

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  • July 18, 2019 at 4:28 am
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    I can only guess the guys who made the giant beer glass, giant cigarette, and giant roller skate were confused when the beauties of their hard work were shown in this episode.

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  • July 19, 2019 at 6:53 am
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    Bless you for putting full episodes on here for free

    Reply
  • August 1, 2019 at 1:53 am
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    first time seeing this genius. brilliant!

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  • August 2, 2019 at 2:25 am
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    If someone says there irish just bring up this show

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  • August 2, 2019 at 2:34 am
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    I have a conspiracy theory that this show was made as english propaganda made to make the catholic Irish look incompetent

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  • August 6, 2019 at 10:20 am
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    ' the pope', " he's no friend of mine" lmao

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  • August 15, 2019 at 8:37 pm
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    Je veux une tasse de the'.
    Je suis amoureux de la maitresse de maison.

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  • August 19, 2019 at 2:28 pm
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    I love this show. It's hard to find good quality where I live. Makes me wish I could visit Ireland.

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  • August 21, 2019 at 3:12 am
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    Why don't they let Father Jack sober. He can even speak more than feck, arse and girls.

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  • August 28, 2019 at 4:04 am
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    The housekeeper is so great.
    I love her.

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  • August 30, 2019 at 1:21 am
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    "Bring out the Gimp."

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  • August 30, 2019 at 7:10 pm
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    How I have been able to live my life without knowing about Irish comedy….I have no “fecking “ idea!!??. ( I love Mrs brown’s as well).

    Reply

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